between heaven and disaster | camren

chapter 2: keana

In a way, high school turns out to be a relief for Lauren. Yeah, she can feel the social pressure to look presentable at all times, and there's a lot of homework that makes her wish she hadn't chosen some of the harder courses at the start of this year, but there is also a lot of people that aren't Camila.

Not going to school with Camila anymore is actually one of the most freeing things that have ever happened to Lauren. Sometimes she can go days without feeling that familiar tugging in her chest, and sometimes she almost forgets how much it hurts. It makes it easier to take her mind off the way her heart still breaks every time she sees Camila from her bedroom window.

She feels free.

Lauren hates thinking about Camila like she's a prison, but being in love with her isn't like it used to be. Now, more than ever, she just feels her body ache for everything she can't have, and she's not sure that will ever change. Not unless Camila does, too.

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She meets Keana at softball tryouts. They're the only freshmen and everyone else seems to know each other so they don't really have a choice but to stick together. They stretch side by side, talking about how they're enjoying high school so far.

Lauren feels a lot lighter talking to Keana than talking to anyone she already knows. Part of the reason is that Keana doesn't know Camila, but it's also because she's just a really nice person.

"I was born in France," she says in unaccented English. "My dad is French and my mom is American. It's why I speak both French and English."

Lauren smiles. "My mom spoke Spanish with me growing up, so sometimes I forget a word in English but I'll know it in Spanish and it's so frustrating."

Keana's eyes widen. "I'm the same with French. Does that thing happen to you, like when you're angry, and suddenly you're using two languages at the same time and no one takes you seriously because of it?"

"All the time," Lauren cries out, a little too loud. She clasps her hand over her mouth to stifle her laugh at the looks people throw them, and when she looks up Keana is mirroring her. Her eyes are lit up with silly joy and it feels really great.

It's just that even though she made Normani smile just this morning, Lauren can't disassociate her from Camila. It's like Camila is the shadow of something missing every time she and Normani are hanging out. With Keana, though, there's nothing there. She's just a new person without painful memories attached to them, and Lauren happens to be in desperate need of someone like that.

So she sticks to Keana's side while they run laps to show their stamina, and while they throw balls to prove they can actually throw a ball without hurting someone. They work together when they're put on the same team for a practice game, and it ends up going so well the coach actually compliments them on their teamwork.

For the first time in a long time Lauren throws her arms around someone and doesn't wish it was Camila.

After tryouts, Lauren takes a moment to catch her breath and put her hair up to try and cool off, putting her things in her bag and slinging it over her shoulder. Normani has cheerleading tryouts in a few minutes, and she promised to come watch on the bleachers for moral support.

She spins around to look for Keana, spotting her a few yards over. She's talking to a girl with long blue hair and a basket of softball gloves under her arm that looks way cooler than the Lauren and Keana combined.

Lauren watches them talk for a moment, her phone burning in her hand as a reminder of how little time she has until Normani's tryouts start. Part of her wants to wait for Keana to see if she's up for watching Normani with her, part of her doesn't want to be late. She never really understood the appeal of dancing around in miniskirts, but Normani seemed to be excited about it, and Normani's her best friend.