Heart

Nine

“I’ve offended you,” he stated.

“You’ve repulsed me,” I corrected, “Why would you tease her like that? She might take you seriously and then she’ll get hurt once she realizes you were just playing.”

“Maybe I’m not.”

I seared him with a look, for both of us knew full well he was just playing.

Alan glanced down at his lap for a second, and then bobbed his head once, reaching for a saltshaker to fiddle with. “You’re right, Kara,” he agreed, “I’m sorry.”

“Me? Al, you should set that waitress straight and apologize.” I sighed. “You know, it feels like . . .” I paused, swallowing hard. Alan looked up from the saltshaker when I didn’t continue, but I had to avert my gaze before I could try again. “It feels like . . .ever since you found those mysterious friends of yours, you’ve changed. You don’t act the same. In bad ways.” My eyes squinted against the sudden ache in the back of my throat. “Who are they, Al?”

“People you should stay away from,” he answered automatically.

I only swallowed, still looking away from him.

A heavy sigh escaped him. “I know, I know. Then why do I hang out with them, you wonder.” He paused. “I have changed, Kara,” he murmured very quietly, his tone pulling my gaze to his, “I’m not the same as I used to be.”

Now how had our conversation gotten so scary?

I had to swallow once more, for a lump was killing the back of my throat, and then I whispered, “You’ve changed for the worst?”

“I don’t know.”

My heart constricted and I had to cast my eyes downward hastily, before he saw the emotion there. Alan had always been my rock and my shoulder, for as long as I could remember. He was the only person I truly and completely trusted; that honor would have gone to my parents, but they never believed me about Gabriella’s pranks. Alan was a witness--he understood well enough. He took care of me like an incredibly loving older brother. If he turned into something not so loving, not so nice, I had no idea what I would do.

“Hey,” Alan said, his voice sounding closer, as if he had leaned over the table towards me, “This was brought out by a little flirtation? Must’ve been on your mind for a while.”

“I don’t . . .think so.” I shook my head, unsure.

“Well, don’t worry about me.” He waited for a few seconds, and when I didn’t respond, he continued on a rasp, “Don’t worry about us. I told you I would always be there for you. I intend to keep my word, Kara.”

This was too much mush for a single meal.

I shook my head and waved him off, smiling self-consciously. “Yeah, uh, can we eat now?”

With his body still leaning over the table, he answered, “Well, no. Our food hasn’t gotten here yet.”

My smile grew a little, relieved that he seemed willing to move on so quickly. “You know what I mean.”

Our meal was eaten in a silence that wasn’t exactly companionable; I could tell that I had sort of dampened Al’s mood. The only good side to this was that he did stop flirting with the waitress, but then he didn’t apply himself in any other conversation I tried to initiate. It wasn’t that he was pouting--he wasn’t one to pout--it was more like he had a deep contemplation going on. I had no idea which direction his mind was going on this subject, but I tried not to worry about it. However, that was a bit difficult to do when he seemed determined to be completely silent.