blurry face - phan

chapter sixteen

Dan keeps running, he doesn't care that his legs are starting to ache, that his lungs are failing him, that his heart is beginning to malfunction, that it hurts when he breathes - he just needs to get away from his so called home.

Dan crashes through the park, fallen leaves crunching loudly beneath his shoes. He stops when he's deep inside a mass of trees, sinking onto the ground and holding his head in his hands.

He tries to forget what he saw, but he knows that he can never un-see that sight. The sight of his father and another girl in their underwear, passionately kissing against the wall of his dad's study.

His parents are both cheating on each other, so why do they keep their marriage? Why don't they just end it. All in all, that would be better for Dan, so he would have to live in a broken home.

He can't take much more of his parents. He can't stand to be in his house anymore. Dan doesn't even have a home anymore.

He needs something to help him forget about everything. He needs alcohol, he needs it now. He needs it in his bloodstream, he needs his thoughts to fog, to blur like faces.

So he's running again, to Phil's house. He knocks on the door and Phil opens it, frowning in confusion when he sees Dan at his door, red faces and puffing heavily.

"P-please Phil," Dan breathes, "I need alcohol."

"I don't think that's a good idea..." Phil says hesitantly, "you haven't asked for it in weeks, which is a good thing."

"Damn it Phil, I NEED IT!" Dan yells, so Phil tells him to wait while he walks back inside. He arrives back at the door a few minutes later, handing Dan a bottle.

"Be careful Dan," Phil says quietly, "whatever it is, drinking won't make it go away."

"I know," Dan replies, "nothing will."

Dan locks himself in his room, sinking onto the carpet while he takes large swigs from the bottle. He feels his mind slipping away, and he calms down. The images aren't fading, but they're becoming foggy.

And temporarily, Dan feels the weight lift off of his shoulders, but he knows in the morning that it will crash back down into him, and it will be ten times worse.

***

Luckily, today is the last day of school.

Dan managed to drag himself out of bed, and head to school without encountering either of his parents. He doubts he could face either of them not without screaming his head off at them.

His headache faded during the second period, and his friends have taken his mind off his problems, and he hasn't talked to Phil yet, and he's not sure if he's going to.

And now it's the last period - English.

Dan sits up the back, next to Phil, willing himself not to stare at Phil, to grab onto him, to beg him and his face not to leave. But Dan just keeps his eyes on the floor.

Their teacher has just allowed them to sit and chat, considering it's their last period ever, but Dan has no one to chat to except for Phil, and Dan can't think of anything to say to Phil, especially after last night. Dan partially feels like crying.

Dan sighs, turning to face Phil.

"Hey," he says quietly, meeting Phil's eyes as he turns around.

Phil stares at him for a moment, unsure as of how to respond. Dan tries to read Phil's facial expressions, but it's not something that he's particularly good at for obvious reasons.

"Uh, hi," Phil replies finally, "we haven't talked in a while. Well other than last night. Before that it was..."

"No," Dan says softly, "we haven't. Not since..."

"Yeah..." Phil says, thinking back to that day as well, the day that they parted ways, "I'm sorry, if I hurt you. I only kept you away cause I cared you know."

"I know," Dan replies, "I, sorry for yelling, and all that."

They manage to make small talk until the bell sounds. The teacher wishes them luck on their futures, and then most of the seniors run out, joining the flow of other students as they walk out of school for the last time. Dan finds Zoe and Louise with the rest of his friends and hugs them both tightly.

"I'll miss you guys," Dan says, on the edge of tears.

"We'll miss you too Dan," Louise says - her and Zoe are both crying.

"But we'll see you, yeah?" Zoe asks.

"Definitely," Dan says, stepping back from the hug.

"Uh... Dan..." Pj says, tugging on Dan's arm so her turns, "Phil wants to talk to you I think. Don't get killed."

Dan doesn't reply, he just runs over to the other side of the front school yard, to where Phil is standing, leaning against the gate. He looks the same as when Dan first saw him, dark clothes, tattoos peeking out from under the fabric, piercings, but instead of a scowl, he had a soft smile on his face, his blue eyes bright.

"I thought I'd just say goodbye," Phil says when Dan stops in front of him, "I mean, I'm off to university - amazingly, I did get in to one. So I probably won't see you anymore. Not that I really saw you these last weeks anyway."

"Oh," Dan says quietly, looking down so Phil won't see the tears in his eyes, "I'll miss you Phil."

"Me or my face?" Phil asks jokingly.

"Both," Dan laughs lightly, "but mainly your eyes."

Dan looks up slowly, looking into Phil's eyes one last time, trying to memorise every last detail of his face, from the gold flecks in the middle of his eyes, to the way his soft, pink lips curved upwards into a soft smile now.

Phil pulls him into a tight hug, and Dan wraps his arms around Phil's sides, never wanting to let go. He hasn't cried yet - but he's close. There's tears in his eyes, and they finally fall when Phil whispers in Dan's ear.

"I'm gonna miss you blurry face."

**************

an// hey I know this chapter is shorter but I wanted it to end there :D I hope you liked the chapter! And thanks so much for 2K votes, that's honestly incredible!!

100 votes and 80 comments for a new chapter!

It feels so insane writing 100 votes, but I know you guys will get there. I was reading back through older chapters on this book, where it was 10 votes for a new chapter. It's come so far so thank you!!!

Also, I do have a plan for phan (that rhymes lol). Don't worry. They will be apart for a while yet though... Anyway thanks so much and hope you're enjoying the book! ^_^