Seems Like A Lifetime

It never felt so good!

I got full custody of my kids and I couldn't be happier.

We're back in L.A now. Ashley, Troy Jr., Megan and I. Happy as ever. I can't believe how this has all turned out. I never imagined things would go so well at trial.

"Mommy, where's daddy." I look down at my daughter. My precious little girl. Its been over a month since she's seen him. He missed his weekend, again!

He keeps giving me this he has to work and can't look after them this weekend so he'll get them next time.

And just think, he wanted to get full custody of them. He can't even take care of himself, let alone two children.

"Sweetie, your daddy couldn't make out here this week so he's going to come down here next weekend. Okay?"

"Okay, mommy. I love you." She smiled.

"I love you too sweetie." I said placing a kiss on her forehead. "Now go get your brother and you two go wash up dinner is almost ready. And tell mama Ashley to come help me. Kay?" Yes, my children are calling Ashley, mama Ashley. I mean its only right since I want to spend the rest of my life with her.

"Kay mommy." She said running off to do as I asked.

Life just couldn't get any better.

"Ashley, who do you think you'll spend the rest of your life with?" We''re sitting alone in her room watching Buffy, the question has been in the back of my mind for the longest time now.

"I don't know." She sits up on her elbow and looks at me. "Why? Who do you think you'll spend the rest of your life with?" I knew the answer to that question, or at least, I wish I knew.

"I don't know. I mean, I'm not even dating anyone. At least you have Aiden." She laughed a loud ha. What did I say that was so funny?

"I am so not spending the rest of my life with that goof ball." She said laying back down on her back. "He's just here. Now."

"Oh." I thought they were in love. I mean they've had sex. I thought you only have sex with people you want to spend the rest of your life with. At least, that's what my mother told me.

"If you had to choose one celebrity to spend the rest of your life with, who would it be?" What kind of question is that? I don't know.

"Um, I'm not sure. Who would you choose?"

"Sarah Michelle Gellar."

"Huh?" She's a girl.

"As Buffy of course." Still doesn't change the fact that she's a girl. "I mean, I know she's a girl but as Buffy she's so kick ass that I really don't care."

I don't know why I didn't see it right then. Why I didn't know that she was gay. Why i didn't see what she put right there in my face to see. I was oblivious.

"So, now that I've told you mines, who would you choose?" I'd choose you. Any day, everyday.

"Mark Wahlberg."

"Ewll. Really?" She said turning back over to look at me.

No. But he'll do.

"Yes. Now shut up because Buffy is totally about to dust that vampire." She smiled at me then laid back down on her back and focused back on the T.V.

I laid there, staring at her for a minute. If only she knew. Hell, if only I knew.

I wanted to be with her. I did.

But it went against everything my family brought me up to believe.

My mom would disown me. If she didn't die of a heart attack first.

I wanted to tell her. Scream it at the top of my lungs.

I LOVE YOU! BE WITH ME. LOVE ME BACK.

I turned from her, looking in the distance, out the window, at nothing in particular. Just wishing. Hoping, needing to feel something. Needing to know what these strange feelings meant.

I pushed it all out of my head.

"DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN! Did you see that Spencey, she kicked the shit out of him! That's my bitch." Ashley yelled. Good thing her parent's weren't home. She tended to get a gutter mouth when she watched Buffy.

"Spencer, honey." Ashley snapped me back to reality.

"Hey." I said realizing the pot in front of me with the broccoli was boiling over.

"Where'd you go just now?" She asked, turning the eye on the stove down.

"Nowhere." I said. "Nowhere." She kissed me and grabbed some plates from the cabinet. There's no need for me to go anyway else ever again. I have everything I need, right here.