hey jealousy // michael clifford

ten

When Michael woke up the next morning it took him a few moments to remember why he wasn't sleeping on Avery's somewhat uncomfortable lounge and then a few more seconds to realise that Avery wasn't in her bed with him. Groggily he rolled over and noted that the sheets were lazily pulled up on the side of the bed she'd occupied and then he heard someone moving around in the kitchen.

With her gone for the moment Michael had a little bit of time to try and fully comprehend what had happened last night. He was almost convinced he'd dreamed the whole thing but the fact that he was still lying in her bed was enough to convince himself that maybe it had all been real.

The more he thought about it though the worse he began to feel – a ball of guilt and dread finding its way into the pit of his stomach and settling uncomfortably. Yes – Avery had been the one to kiss him; but she'd been upset and probably more than a little vulnerable and Michael couldn't help but think that maybe without meaning too he'd taken advantage of her. She obviously hadn't been thinking straight – between the nightmare, asking him to stay, and the kiss that much was obvious – and while at the time he'd felt like maybe it was progress he was now beginning to think that it had been a lapse in judgement on both their parts.

He scrubbed his hands down his face and let out a low groan. He'd thought that last night was a good thing – a sign maybe – but now he was beginning to think he might have been completely wrong.

***

Avery hadn't quite been able to get her hands to stop shaking since she'd gotten out of bed.

She'd noticed it as she pulled up the sheets over Michael who was still snoring softly and it was more than obvious as she tried to wash her face in the bathroom. She wasn't even sure exactly why they were trembling but she had a feeling it had something to do with the fact that she'd kissed Michael the night before and they'd been honest with each other for the first time since he'd randomly showed up on her doorstep.

There was a small voice at the back of her head telling her that it was because she was scared. Scared because even though Michael had hurt her it had been so easy for her to fall back into him and even though she wanted to say she felt nothing for him that would be the biggest lie she'd ever told. Avery knew that having him around shouldn't feel right but it still did and when she kissed him last night she wasn't even able to deny that it had never felt the same with anyone else.

With a startling realisation Avery came to the conclusion that, for her, it was probably always going to be Michael – and that was why her hands wouldn't stop shaking.

She knew it was insane to still care about him as much as she quite obviously did even after everything but there was absolutely nothing she could do about it; and it was terrifying to know that she was probably always going to be in love with the one boy who might never be able to love her back.

When she entered the kitchen her eyes instinctively flitted to the calendar on the fridge and for a moment she was temporarily able to forget about everything to do with Michael when she realised that she was picking Ashton up from the airport later in the day. If there was ever a time whens she needed her best friend this was it and she couldn't wait to see him after months of being apart.

Avery's excitement was short lived though as Michael shuffled into the kitchen – running a hand through his unruly hair before rubbing at his eyes and letting out a short yawn. Avery looked him up and down before realising what she was doing and quickly turning towards the cupboard to pull out some mugs, giving her a moment to try and collect herself.

"So..." Avery had a feeling that Michael was going to try and make her talk about this but she thought he'd at least wait until after they'd eaten. Her fingers tightened around the mug she was holding as she supressed a sigh. "About last night."

She jaw tightened reflexively before she took a deep breath and turned around to face him – her heart was beating uncomfortably fast in her chest considering he hadn't even gotten to the point yet.

"We don't need to talk about it." She muttered through gritted teeth, hoping that this would be the one time that Michael actually listened to her.

"Aves, I think we do." The way his face softened and his voice dropped made her heart jump into her throat – she was finding it a little difficult to breathe, she felt like she was trapped.

Neither of them said anything and Avery began to think that things might be okay if they just kept looking at each other instead of speaking to one another. Michael had to ruin it of course.

"Look, I'm really sorry about what happened last night." Avery was actually a little taken aback and it stopped her from being able to cut him off. "You were upset and I should have known better – I shouldn't have stayed and I shouldn't have kissed you. I took advantage of the situation and I feel terrible about it."

Avery was so shocked by his apology that she couldn't even form the words to tell him that he hadn't done anything wrong. Sure, he'd come in and mess up her neat little apple cart – again – but he hadn't done anything that he needed to apologise for. She was the one that had kissed him and, yeah, she'd been upset and a little freaked out from the nightmare but it had been her choice and she'd initiated it – in actual fact she probably would have been more mad if he'd rejected her but that was beside the point.

What she realised right at that moment was that even though in her books he didn't have anything to apologise, he was actually giving her the perfect out. He was providing her with a reason to cut him off altogether and put an end to anything and everything between them. Avery knew she was probably never going to get over Michael, the last few days had proved that if nothing else, but she wasn't going to give him the chance to hurt her all over again; and now he was giving her a perfectly believable excuse to stop things from going any further.

"I, uh – " She cleared her throat and looked down at the floor so she could avoid his eyes. "I've got to pick Ashton up from the airport – I'll be back later on but you should probably look at finding somewhere else to stay."

With that said she pushed away the mugs she'd intended on using and left the kitchen – quickly getting dressed before leaving her apartment a few hours earlier than she needed to, leaving Michael standing in her small kitchen and wondering how he'd managed to fuck things up all over again just when he thought that he was starting to get somewhere.

***

Avery didn't exactly know what she'd planned to do with the extra hour or so that her quick exit had allowed her. She considered going to get a coffee or something but knew that it wouldn't waste enough of her time. She'd been so eager to get out of her apartment and away from Michael that she hadn't really remembered that the only part of the airport you can get into without buying a ticket has virtually no seats and a no loitering policy.

So that was how she'd ended up sitting in her car and overthinking until it was a reasonable time to get out of the car to go and greet her best friend.

For a little while Avery was sure she was waiting at the wrong gate but then she caught sight of a familiar mop of mussed up blonde curls over the top of the crowd and she started to push through the thinning crowd. When Ashton saw her coming his face lit up and he put his bag down just in time to catch her as she threw herself into his arms to give him a tight hug. She heard him chuckle softly and it caused her own smile to double in size, she'd really missed having her best friend around.

When Ashton put her down they just smiled at each other for a moment before Ashton asked a question that made the smile drop from Avery's face almost as soon as it had appeared.

"So, how's Michael?" He would have had to beblind and stupid to miss the shift in Avery's demeanour. "Well it looks likewe've got some things to talk about." He told her, picking up his bag andwrapping an arm around her shoulders as she lead them out of the airport andback to her car.