To Dance With Wolves ▪Liam Dunbar▪

| 18. It's Like Chasing the Clouds

Then I hung up the phone and noticed standing up for myself felt really good. At least for now, I was done being tragic and weepy and broken, and I was done taking crap from people. I got back to work and finished in a flash.

Liam still hadn't called back, and I wondered briefly if I had been too harsh. Then I remembered how he had stayed silent while I practically begged him to talk to me, and I felt much better about the way I had ended the conversation.

I stared down at the pink polish on my nails and thought about how much everything had changed in the past year. Twelve months ago I had been halfway through the worst year of my life, and I had survived that. I had complete faith that I would get through this year too. I wished I could call my brother and get his advice, but I couldn't afford to call France, so we hadn't spoken since he left. That was why I moved here in the first place, before I knew Beacon Hills was full of homicidal maniacs and werewolves.

When my aunt got back from church, she could tell something was wrong, and offered to take me out to lunch. I hesitated, glancing at my phone, before I put it out of my mind and told her lunch, even if it was a little late, sounded great. I ran upstairs to put on something nicer than sweats, and I came out in a dark green long sleeve shirt and loose light wash jeans with holes in the knees. I topped it off with my black nikes because if there was one thing I'd learned about this town, it was that you always have to be ready to run.

We ordered food and the mood dropped as she looked at me seriously. "Are you alright, Emily?"

I considered saying I was fine, but that would be an obvious lie. And I couldn't exactly explain to her that my werewolf boyfriend wasn't talking to me about his werewolf problems, or that I'd almost died two nights ago. So against my better judgement I decided to go with a truth I really didn't want to speak, but that she would understand. "Yeah, it just . . . lately I've really been missing my mom."

She reached out and held my hand, we hadn't talked about this sensitive subject in a long time. "I know sweetie."

"Sometimes when I couldn't sleep at night, I used to talk to her like she was still here with me." I forced myself not to cry, this was not an ideal place for me to break down.

"Do you want me to get our food to go?" My aunt asked gently.

"No I'm good." I said, shaking my head and pulling myself together.

"Ok, well if you change your mind we can be out of here in under two minutes."

After that we had a nice lunch, but the underlying emotions never dissipated. When we got home I grabbed my phone and went straight up to my room.

Sadness turns into anger, I learned that last year, and right now I was angry. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized I wasn't really mad at Liam, I was mad at my father. Liam had hurt me in a way just similar enough to what he had done that it brought back emotions I had been stifling since before I got here. When all that suppressed anger came to the surface, Liam was the only one I could take it out on. I cursed silently at myself for not figuring it out sooner.

There was one voicemail on my phone, and I didn't hesitate before listening to it.

Hi, Emily. I guess you still don't want to talk to me, I get it. I was being an asshole. It's just that you were the last normal part of my life that still made me happy, and I didn't want anything to change. When I was with you I could forget about all the other crap in my life, because everything else just kind of fades away when you're with me. I was being selfish and I'm really sorry I didn't realize that I was hurting you, that's the last thing I would ever want to do. When I realized that I might have lost you I felt like my entire world was falling apart. Emily, you're the only thing that's getting me through this. When you said your life was worth crap you were wrong. You can make Mason laugh on Monday mornings, and if you don't think that alone is amazing, then I don't know what else I can say. Just, if you get this will you please come talk to me, even if it's to break up for real, I need to see you again.

I ran my fingers through my hair and then held my head in my hands. I wasn't in any state to go out and talk to Liam. My judgment would be clouded by my emotions, and I didn't want to make a decision I would regret.

So I sat motionless for a good ten minutes before I made up my mind. Mason would know what to do, so I called him. I knew his opinion would be slightly biased because he obviously didn't want his two best friends to be fighting, but I didn't care.

When he picked up the phone I didn't realize he was at Liam's house, and that even though he left the room, Liam could still hear our whole conversation.

"Hey, Em. You feeling better?"

"Yeah, thanks for distracting me yesterday."

"No problem, and I'm glad my talents were finally put to good use."

I smiled and shook my head, "You should make a career out of it." I paused briefly to let him laugh, "But seriously I know it might be against the guy code to tell me, but have you talked to Liam about all this?"

The laughing stopped, "Yeah I have, and I don't know if I'm really allowed to say more than that."

"Is he okay?"

He sounded more serious than I had expected, "I don't know, Emily. Neither of you will really tell me what happened, but it doesn't sound like something you can just resolve over the phone."

I sighed, "Yeah, I've been trying to decide if I should wait until I've had more time to think everything over or if I should just go with my gut."

"Well I haven't had the pleasure of going through this kind of stuff with anyone yet, so I'm not sure what to tell you on that front. But I think that at the end of the day you probably already know what you want, so that would be option two, go with your gut."

I nodded, somehow that actually made sense, "Thanks Mason."

"So what are you going to do?"

"I'm gonna try to talk myself out of it for about twenty minutes and then I'm gonna woman up and go talk to him." Then under my breath I muttered, "I just hope everything works out."

I could've sworn I heard a muffled sigh of relief before Mason spoke up one last time, "I'll pray for you."

"Yeah you probably should."

Then he hung up and I felt the reality of my situation come crashing down on me. In less than and hour Liam and I would either be working things out, or we'd fight some more and break up for good. Just the idea of never talking to Liam again was enough to scare me. Never sitting together on the bus and laughing with Mason again. And we'd still pass each other in the hallways sometimes, and what that happened I'd have to look straight ahead and pretend he wasn't there. And Mason would be torn between the two of us. That was not a future I wanted to live in.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized Mason was right. I'd know what I really wanted the whole time, and it wasn't breaking up with Liam.