Why I Have To

Chapter 10

"Isn't this freedom enough?" I asked as I played the chords of Blackbird.

"Psh. You call this freedom? My family's so hung up on traditions that next thing I know they would match me with some loser son of their business partner and send me off. I would never want to marry someone I do not love. That's what they're planning to do with Ahya Gab." I heard anger in her voice.

I know that their family is strict and very traditional, but this is something that I've never thought of.

This isn't good.

Every time I thought that we took one step forward, the world seems to be against us—making me take two steps back.

This just means that I have to hide and control my feelings even more.

This means that I could never have her.

Not in this life time.

"Do you know what 'bird' means in the British slang?" She asked and I shook my head no.

"Girl. It means girl. And that's what I am, just a girl... Growing... Transforming... Waiting for my freedom."

I am forever in awe of her massive knowledge about things. She's like my little encyclopedia— always sharing facts. I smiled and said, "You're more than just a girl, Jade. Or a bird."

She laughed.

"Bird is a funny word. Like a double entendre or something." She giggled some more.

I laughed along as I tried to hide the pain I feel inside. Knowing that she could probably end up with somebody she doesn't love hurts more than her falling in love with someone else.

I played the song and she sang along with me.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to be free.

Blackbird fly Blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night.

Blackbird fly Blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
You were only waiting for this moment to arise

She made silly bird noises while flapping her arms—pretending to fly. It was downright hilarious.

I think the alcohol's finally kicked in her system.

"I have an idea! Why don't we list all the songs with the word 'bird' in it." She said in between breaths.

"Sure thing, bird girl. We'll get on it." I said as we both laughed.

"So what do you wanna do if you're free?" I asked her as I placed down the guitar on our make shift picnic mat.

She scooted closer to me, rested her head on my shoulder and placed her hand on top of mine. My favorite position.

"I don't know. It's not like I made a list or something." She whispered as she traced the constellations with her finger.

"Why don't we make one?" I suggested.

"Like now?" She asked.

"Now's the perfect time." I said as I reached for my bag to take out a piece of pen and paper.

"Here, you write all the things you wanna do, and I'll also make a list of my own." I handed it to her.

"Okaaaay... Then what?" She asked skeptically. Always so stubborn.

"Can you please just do it, Jade?" I said impatiently.

She took the pen and in deep thought, wrote line after line of all the things she wants to do.

With one final look at her, I sighed, knowing what I've wanted to write.

I took the pen and wrote one single thing.

One thing I want... One thing I'd love to do...

"Now what?" She asked, looking at me with hopeful eyes.

I opened my bag and took out my old metal cigarette case.

"Put it in here." I instructed her, and she obliged without any questions.

I stood up and walked towards the wall in search of a loose brick.

"What are you doing?" She asked, clearly weirded out.

"Just help me find a loose brick." And when I finally found one, I held her hand and said, "Let's make a promise to each other, Jade."

"We'll hide this in here. And we have to promise each other that we won't open this until we're free to finally do the things we wrote in here." I said as I deeply looked into her eyes.

"Promise?" I asked.

"Promise." She said as she held up her pinky finger. I giggled at the silly gesture as I intertwined my finger with hers.

I placed the cigarette case at the farthest end of the hole and inserted the brick in place to cover it up.

I looked back at her and she laughed.

"Anong nakakatawa?" I asked.

"Ang corny kasi natin eh." She said, still laughing.

"Hindi 'yan corny 'no. Balang araw, pag successful lawyer ka na, pasasalamatan mo din ako." I said smugly.

"Kahit hindi pa ako maging successful, I have a lot of things to thank you for," she paused.

The sky lit up with fireworks and I checked my watch, surprised to see that it's already 12 midnight.

We watched in silence as the fireworks painted the sky with bright colors.

Independence Day.

As the country celebrates its independence, we celebrate ours.

Our hypothetical one, that is.

"Thank you, Althea" and she kissed me, just at the corner of my lips. Soft and gentle like she always does.

For whatever it is she thanked me for, I don't know. All I know is that I would do everything I can so that one day, she could come back here and tick off all the things she wrote in there.

While I silently wished that I could do that too.

****

You've always wanted to be free, Jade. And with all my heart, I want the same thing for you... for us.

But I will always hold you back.

And that is why I have to let you go.

Love,
Althea

Author's Note: A bit short, I know and I'm sorry. Sorry for all the Beatles references. Hehe. I also included Sarah McLachlan's version in case some of you are not familiar with it. Anyway, you know the drill. I'll update as soon as possible. :)