A Player's Responsibility

Josh's view Chapter 3: Page 2

My mom was sick again tonight, and I could hear her scream in pain and agony in my room under my duvet, while Aunt Jane tried to comfort her. She had been going weaker and weaker each passing week, and my heart hurt when I see her like that. I just wish I could do something make her feel better, the last thing I want was for anything to happen to her and I’ll have to survive own my own or live with my dad. She is a good person and doesn’t deserve this, she used to work in a hospital as a nurse and help sick children, she used to donate to charity every month and was very lively, bubbly and so full of life that is unimaginable what this cruel and wicked world ah subjected her into, a weak and frail, half-dead body yet half alive. She is barely living and is in so much pain from the chemo is unbearable to watch. I feel weak, stupid and useless just sitting there not knowing what to do, having nothing to say, and just watching her die slowly and painfully before my eyes.  No one deserves to die this way, no one, not my mom who has been so kind, gentle and understanding with me.  Lying under my duvet, listening to the cold and noisy rain, I wished there was someone I could talk to about it, someone I could share this feeling with, so I don’t feel so cold, lonely, isolated and weak. Then I thought of sally and the sweet smell of her hair which smelt of apple shampoo, and the luscious and succulent look of her lips. I wanted to kiss her, oh god I wanted to kiss he, I had never in my entirely life wanted to do anything more at the moment. But I felt guilty, like a fraud or a trickster and I kept thinking of what my mom and sally dad said, and they are right. She doesn’t deserve this, she doesn’t deserve me. She doesn’t deserve a guy who will go out with her just because of a bet that he can take her virginity. No girl deserves that.

I lay in my bed trying to think of the first time I saw her. It was a bright sunny day  she just moved into the neighbourhood and I was six and she was five then. She was wearing a pink shirt with roses in the middle and a blue trouser and her hair was in a pony tail and she was laughing and smiling helping her mom bring the boxes into the house, she had this gorgeous smile that I had never seen on anyone before. I many people smile, every one smiles, but her smile was special, her smile was pure and innocent, with a youthful euphoria, ignorant of any pain, hurt and sadness of the world and noticed it perhaps  because I was young then. And I remember grabbing my mom’s hands and saying “mom she so beautiful, that’s the girl I’m going to marrying”. And my mom just smiled and ignored me. But when I actually got to see her and a chance to talk to her I was too shy to talk to her and scared that he would reject  me, so I never really talked to her and I ended up with a popular group of friends and cared what people would think. But somewhere deep down, she was always the girl of my dreams. As I replayed this beautiful day in my head, I realised that the scream had stopped and I was drifting slowly to a beautiful heaven which was safe and secure, a world where only me and my sally exist.