Abandoned Driveways

9 - Crush Me Up, I'm Your Amphetamine

He'd seen the way Ashura treated him, and in a way, it scared him. He couldn't imagine treating Tomoyo like that; it just wasn't what family did. Fai's unfaltering loyalty to his family, despite the treatment he received—or lack thereof, in the case of his parents—threw him off sometimes.

When lunch came, Kurogane headed up to the roof. For once, he didn't wait for Fai. He wanted to clear his head, and he didn't think he could do that with the annoyance actually in his presence. His head felt thick, as if his thoughts were low-hanging clouds on a stormy day.

The roof was empty, as he'd both hoped and expected. There was a chill in the air, but it didn't bother Kurogane. He figured it might help clear his head; after all, wasn't that why people meditated under waterfalls? He pulled his jacket tighter around him and sat on an overturned crate, running his calloused hands over his face.

He stared out at the buildings around them, trying to clear his mind. He studied the sharp angles of the windows and the corners of the buildings, focusing on that and not letting himself think of anything else for a few moments. Then, finally, when he felt calmer, he cast his mind back to the first time he'd met Fai.

Even then, something hadn't seemed right about the other. He was too cheerful, and something about him annoyed Kurogane more than anyone he'd even met. He'd never exactly been a social butterfly, but he was better at reading people at a glance than most of his acquaintances had ever given him credit for. In a way, it was almost a survival skill—something his father had taught him before he and Kurogane's mother had died.

Still, his protective instinct seemed to be working overtime with Fai. He couldn't understand why, and he'd been avoiding the problem for weeks now.

He tried to focus, but somehow his mind kept coming back to something else he'd been blocking out. Fai had kissed his cheek once to avoid being questioned, but the sensation had never really left him. Then, later, he himself had kissed the blond as an almost instinctive, comforting gesture. His lips tingled as he thought about it, playing an accompaniment to the sinking feeling in his stomach.

He wanted to shut out those thoughts again, but he knew better than to avoid his problems. Instead, he laid them out on a mental table and began his examination.

He'd never been particularly affectionate toward anyone except Tomoyo and the kids. There had never been anyone his age that had drawn his attention this way. He resented Fai's manufactured cheer, but at the same time it caught and held his attention. There was a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach as he realized he might actually be attracted to the ditzy, self-loathing blond.

He groaned and leaned forward, letting his head hang as he propped his elbows on his knees. Despite the unwelcome realization, he had never been one for running from his feelings.

"Kuro-chan!" called a light, familiar voice suddenly.

The muscles in Kurogane's shoulders tightened and his teeth clenched. He considered saying something to Fai about his thoughts, but quickly discarded the idea. Not only was he still uncomfortable with his own feelings, he was sure it would send Fai running.

"What the hell do you want now?" he snapped instead, shooting the idiot a half-hearted glare.

Fai practically danced across the space between them, rambling about cats and alcohol and other nonsense in a sing-song tone. Kurogane tried to block him out, but the other's tone grated on his nerves and he soon found himself shouting, as usual. All his earlier thoughts had been driven from his mind within moments of the blond's arrival.

"Hey, you too!" called a voice suddenly, interrupting their warped sort of 'conversation,' "Get back to class! You're not supposed to be up here!"

Kurogane looked up to see Kusanagi-sensei standing by the open door to the roof, looking stern but not angry. It wasn't quite time for their class to begin just yet, but Kurogane knew better than to argue with the older man. Taking Fai by the arm, he dragged him toward the door. Kusanagi-sensei let them pass with nothing more than a suspicious glance.

Rivulets of water ran down Kurogane's chest as he stepped out of the show that night, shaking the water from his hair. He wrapped his well-worn black towel around his waist and moved to his room. He could feel water drying off his exposed skin as he walked, which was somewhat refreshing.

His room was dark; he didn't bother to flick the light on as he entered. A soft glow illuminated the space from the window, and Kurogane realized that Fai's light was on in his room. He peered out across the stretch of grass separating them, his heart pounding as he wondered what he would catch a glimpse of, if anything.

He grimaced as his thoughts from earlier in the day returned to him. At the moment, his body was clearly telling him that his mind had been right. Somehow, he found himself wishing that he'd been wrong, or at least that he was still oblivious.