I'm terrified. I don't really know how to put this in words, but I'm trying.
School is absolutely horrifying. As the year goes by, I get worse and worse. No, I'm not facing depression, or bad eating habits, but anxiety's eating me up. Class presentations and recitations and oral work keep on stacking on my shoulders and it's weighing me down and I don't want it to. I find myself dreading for the day to end, so I could sit by myself and go on social media.
I think, that the worst thing is that I'm only in high school. There are far more stressful things, like senior year or college or work. I can't help but feel breathless before oral speaking, can't help the fast beating of my heart. My friends barely acknowledge it, but it's because I barely bring it up.
Another thing, I just want to talk about it to someone. It pains me to be alone in those times, to ignore my shitty nervousness. I think too much about the past and worry about the future, so often that I ignore the present.
I feel as though everything's going too fast, and it dizzies me to try and keep up. One of these days, I might just burst out in tears.
I'm not sure if anybody's reading this, but to those of my readers who have stayed through those months I never updated, I suppose this is the reason.
All the love. Z xx
