Deliverance [malexmale]

Chapter Eleven

"Menoetius, are you alright?" Arikos asked, concerned, reaching up to touch the side of my face, but I flinched and he hesitated. He was trying to analyze me. He was trying to figure out what was wrong with me, and I didn't even know what was wrong with me.

"Menoetius, you're okay. It's alright, I've got you. You're okay," he murmured, this time bringing his hands up to cup my face slowly. I trembled, my breath coming in sharp desperate pants as my lungs contracted and I tried to take in more oxygen. He was wrong. I wasn't okay. Nothing about this was okay. I couldn't breath. I couldn't think. I couldn't stop seeing Zeus's face in mine, the pain that rocketed up my spine, and to make matters worse, I was catching glimpses of that island dream where Hannibal would be laying next to me, but as the flashes continued, Hannibal disappeared from the dream and the sky outside was dark and cloudy.

No.

No, no, please. Please, come back. My vision blurred and I felt like I was suffocating as I dug my nails into the sofa. Arikos's thumbs brushed at my cheeks, his expression going from concerned to afraid.

"Menoetius, ssh, it's okay. I'm right here. You're having a panic attack, you need to breath. Breath with me, okay? Big deep breath," he demonstrated with a deep intake of breath. I sucked in a sharp breath, and Arikos nodded.

"Good, now let it out, nice and slow," he murmured. It came out in a rush, but it was slower than my desperate pants for air, but I managed to hold my breath for a second, then suck in another breath. The entire time, Arikos breathed with me until I slowly came down from the panic attack. My muscles ached, my head hurt, and I felt like I was going to be sick, but at least I could breath again, and somehow Arikos had gone from sitting in my lap to taking a step or two back from me.

He stared at me for the longest time, and it was making me extremely uncomfortable. I felt stupid for having gone into a panic attack like that over nothing more than a few kisses. Was that what it would be like for the rest of my life? Would I never be able to kiss someone, let alone have sex?

"I'll grab you some water," Arikos said at last, then went past me to the kitchen. I swallowed hard, scooting to the edge of the sofa. I didn't trust myself to stand, because despite having calmed my breathing down, little tremors went through me, making me shake, making my legs feel like pudding.

"Here," Arikos appeared in front of me with a glass of water. I inclined my head in thanks and took the glass, downing it all at once. I wasn't so sure I wanted to look into Arikos's face. I wasn't even sure why, maybe embarrassment, maybe afraid of seeing disgust or hatred.

I could just imagine that same look on Hannibal's face if he saw me right now.

And suddenly, my stomach dropped abruptly. He'd probably be disgusted if he knew I was kissing Arikos. Arikos was his cousin, his favorite cousin. I'd already seen Hannibal's other reactions to my attempts at intimacy. This would be no different, and for some reason, no matter how much I wanted to hate Hannibal and not give a shit what he thought about me, I did. I really did.

"It's alright," Arikos said suddenly, making me glance toward him, not directly at him, "You don't have to feel bad." At my curious stare, he smiled.

"I can tell you're feeling guilty by the look on your face, but it's alright, Menoetius, really. I think I moved a little too fast for you. I just get impatient sometimes." I didn't quite get what he meant.

"Anyway," Arikos sighed, stretching his arms over his head, "I think we should head to bed. Too much drinking for one night. Do you want to take the bed?" I shook my head.

"It's fine. I can have the couch," I replied. Arikos raised an eyebrow skeptically and for a moment, I wasn't sure why, until I realized that the loveseat was much smaller than I was. I'd be hanging off half of it. Still, I didn't want to kick Arikos out of his bed.