The dreamy girl

Tears In The Crowd!

I woke up in the morning. Still laid down on my bed, I was thinking about my father, the Director, Souta, Cherry, Seiji, the ballet party and my mother.
I climbed out of my bed, washed my face and wore my clothes. My motger was still asleep. Looks like she cried a lot yesterday, same as me. I barely slept 4 hours since I have the habitude to sleep about 7 hours. I prepared my sandwich of cherry jam. The cherry jam gives me some energy. When I finished, I put my boots, I expect that today will rain. The wind is strong. It's cold. Is it cold inside my heart too? I have arrived to school too late may be now they are in the second period. I was walking slowly because of my ankle. I wanted to see everyone there. I climbed the stairs.
I was walking towards the Director room where my father is sitting, was sitting, and didn't mind about his daughter's feelings, me. I wondered what kind of conversation we will have or what will his face expresses, when I knocked the door and opened it, when I saw him sitting on the chair writing, doing his work, when he noticed me and looked at me for seconds. I closed the door behind my father. Huh? Why I feel like crying at this moment? I was standing still, not moving. I decided to say something about him looking at me with a smiley face:" Can you stop looking at me with this no-serious-face?"
He sat up, walked towards me still looking at me, still wearing a smile on his face and said:" If your mother was in front of me, standing like this, looking at me deeply, she would know what is my real expression now. Even if I changed my face's expression nothing will change". And he changed his expression. What? Is this his face? He's right, he's still looking the same. His face don't have any soul. His smile don't have any emotions. He put his hand out to shake hands. I put my hand on his. I wanted to know what it feels at least a little what is it having a father! When we shook hands he said: "Hello, Hana! I'm Tachibana Izumi, your father, the father that left his lover and his daughter! Nice to meet you!"
Wha?! Now, I understood his face, his eyes: he is sad, he wants to cry.
When I was about to cry, he pulled me to his arms. And I didn't want to leave this feeling, of having a father. I cried, I cried, I cried... He pat my head, he was touching my hair. And he said:"Do you know now, what do I feel?" I cried more. He added:" Forgive me, I have my reasons for leaving you." I cried more. He sighed and said again:"If I was there with you, with your motherc, you will hate me more! I'm sorry!"
Who said that I will hate you?
What can the "sorry" do for me right?
He looked at me and told me to stop crying but I couldn't. After a while, I asked him:" Were you the one that have done this to me? Were you the one that had sent people to kick?"
-I admit that I'm a bad father, but not to the point that I hurt you!
-Then is it your children?
-Of course not!
-Today...I can't dance! So Cherry will take the role instead of me! So I thought maybe...
-No, I don't know anything of it!
Someone suddenly came and opened the door without knocking on saying:Daddy! It was Cherry! Just the daddy hurts me a lot. I guess the director realized it. He looked at me. I turned around. I wanted to leave. I...have nothing to do here anymore until Cherry called for me when I was outside the room:" Hana! Wait!" I stopped and she continued:" Today, I won't dance! I know that you're thinking that I'm the one behind this but I'll prove to you that I'm not!" I wanted to say something but I couldn't. I started to walk again. As I was walking in the hallway, I realized the student having the break time. They were looking at me. Yes, pity me more and look at me!. I walked and Souta appeared in front of me! I wanted to hide so I didn't look at him! We stopped walking, and now we were facing each other! I put my eyes down, my head down a little. I realized something wrong in his hands. They were red, looks like he hurt it. I suddenly looked at him. Ge was already looking at me. But I can't understand what his eyes are saying because there was a lot of emitions in his eyes? Sadness..anger..love..darkness..happiness..I can't find out. We were still looking at each other until he looked behind me. I turned around and saw Seiji looking at me surprisingly! Oh my! What is this situation like? His face was somehow like mine! Someone kicked him. Who did that? Could it be..Souta? I hope not. Something now lighten up my mind, that is Seiji, my step brother is standing in front of me! Waw!
Seiji came closer to me and he said:"Hello, step-sister!"
I felt Souta coming closer to me, behind me. What? It has been time since they fought, sincerly!
"Now you know what happened to her, right?" Souta said.
"I'm not the one!" Seiji answered immediately.
The students were standing around us. Watching us. It is embarassing.
"Okay!" Souta said that like there was a deal between them.
When I turned around, I saw Souta's back. He was walking back. And Seiji, continued his way and students as well. I wanted to see Souta's eyes again. My father was standing far from me. He was looking at us but he hasn't done anything. He walked towards me and told me:" About the engagement..it is cancelled!"
And then we have gone on our own way. He was heading to his room, and I was heading to the outside. I wanted to go and have some fresh air. I didn't wanted to go to the house. It's now for me a dark place. And now that the ballet teacher knows about my conditions, that I can't dance I can rest my brain a little. My eyes hurt because I cried a lot these days.

It was 5:30 pm, when I decided to go and watch the ballet dance. I arrived tk the theater. There was a lot of people. I was walking and I found a seat in the front. My father was there, sitting, on his right there was Seiji and on his left my mom was sitting. What was she doing here anyway? She may have thought that I will dance or expected for me to come. Behind me, Souta was standing. He sat down. My mom realized that I was bothered. As she was getting up, Souta grabbed my hand and pointed me to sit beside him using his eyes. I sat. And then, the light of this big theatre is tuned off, just some of them remained on especially on the stage. Someone came and introduced what will be on later. They opened the window, there was a person who will sing. One after other, the ballet turn arrived. All this time, me and Souta have been silent. The curtain opened again, And Cherry was standing. We couldn't see her face because she was giving us her back. The melody began. My heart was beating. And now I want to cry.
There was something wrong. Cherry was stabding normally now. She turned around and give sign to the one who is turning on the melody. And she took a microphone. What is she doing?
She said:" Hello, everyone! Thanks you for coming here. But we won't perform. I'm sorry everyone! Especially for the parents of the dancers here, I'm sorry! The leader is absent so we can't start! Have fun for the other performances!"
People started to whisper, gossip. I couldn't bear with this! My body moved on its own! I sat up!What am I doing? I can't dance in my situation. People started to whisper more. Souta was looking at me surprised, and he moved his leg for me to pass. Tears fell down from my eyes all on their own. I heard my mom saying my name. Mama, am I an idiot? Do you think though father? I walked until I arrived on the stage. I asked for them to close the curtain. Two minutes and I'll start. I prepared myself. Wore my clothes and hid the scars with make-up. And now I'm ready. Cherr was looking at me. I told he:"Thank you! I'm sorry for thinking that you were the one who hurt me! Let's go!"
I stood on the stage, giving my back to the public. As the melody started, the melody of sadness, I started to dance. I want to let out all of my sadness, anger in this dance. Even though my leg hurts me, I was dancing. I was crying. Can anyone see inside of me? Can you, Souta, know what I feel? Is my feeling reaching you? Can the one who kicked me, if he was present and watching me, know what it means to dance? Dancing isn't just a performance where you show your ability and talent, but where you show your feelings, emotions and Love. Talent or ability without feeling can't make a good performance. It is dull, disgusting! The melody has stopped and I was crying, in front of all the people. After a while, hands statted to clapp and Souta was leaving. I gave my respect and rushed to get out of here. To follow souta. When I was already outside, I yelled his name. He stopped walking and I said:" Where are you going?"
-I'm leaving the country and don't follow me.
-Why?
-Don't you a lot of thing to take care of right now? I have to. Good bye.
I ran but my leg hurts me so much. When I was about to fell, he rushed and took me in his arm to avoid me to fall on the ground. We looked at each other. I cried and the sky cried as well. He was tearing! I said:" Don't go!"
-I have to! I'm going to America!
He hugged me. I wanted to hear his heartbeatings again. He tapped on my back.
He took my face between his hand and raised my face. I could only look at his eyes. He said:" I want you to perform again, to dance again but without crying. I want the happiness in your face and in your heart to shine when you dance. At that time, you will find me in the theatre watching you. For the next time show me your true feelings." And he kissed me, the good-bye-kiss, and left. I was speechless. I put my head down. And cried... People were looking at me! Ahhh! I'm broken! I'm broken until Souta come and find its pieces to build it again. Dad, what have you done to me? Whay am I calling you " Dad"? I was watching Souta's back fading until he goes as far as he could. I cried as much as I could. I let out as much as I can however a big part of sadness broke my heart.
In the end, my father was standing behind me, his hand on my shoulder.