Come Off Anon (joshler)

. Chapter Six .

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BRIEF TRIGGER WARNING FOR SUICIDE MENTION

I haven't been to school for a week. I can't bring myself out of my room. I feel like a burden. I've lived off of sneaked packages of chips that I steal when my parents are out (which is every day). All my parents have attempted to do was text me. Every day, it seems around noon, I get the notification of the half assed
'u ok today honey??' from mom.

I never reply. Because I know they really don't care.

I haven't written about anything in my journal for a week as well. Except for Monday when I began to write 'it's raining' then stopped. I stopped and decided to skip school. I texted my mom at work that I ''threw up''. She didn't question anything, how responsible.

The journal makes me think of when I was happy and falling in love with Josh. It makes me sad. I like to avoid thinking about the past because sad or not, it won't feel good to look back on either way.

This week has been exceptionally gloomy. The sun tried to come out on Wednesday, but the mean clouds covered it up. I felt like that was me recently. My good emotions were the sun, and the bad feelings about being bi/gay/in love with a dumb Internet person or whatever I was thinking about that day.

The bad clouds always win.

Soon enough it's night again. I almost went to pick up my ukulele but then it made me remember writing that song for Josh and I'm sad again.

I'm crying again and I hate myself for it and my eyes are bloodshot and I'm yelling at myself and I want to fucking die. I really really wanna die. No one would really care if I lef-

There it is. The sound. The notification sound for tumblr messages precisely.

Half of my heart hoped it was Josh, as I went to switch on my phone.

It was Josh. He replied to that message I sent on another one of my bad days. Although I felt worse today, now I felt my heart slowly lift itself.

SpookyJosh replied to your message:

I replied to this one privately bc I feel like I should help you out without anyone knowing. Whatever's going on with you, I care and no one else needs to know. Although I do ask of one thing.

Come off anon. Please.