Personal Soldier (a Nathan Sykes fanfiction)

I'm done

I opened the door and it was unlocked. The time I was gone I managed to sober up. I was just so mad! I didn't mean to shout at her, it was just that the pressure from the band and the pain from losing the baby. It was all too much. I sighed and put down the beer.

I walked to the bedroom. Shut, I opened the door softly. She was laying in the bed with her eyes closed. Her breathing ragged as she was crying. Her rosy cheeks, tear stained. My heart shattered. This is what I do. I hurt people. I shook my head in disappointment.

I went to the restroom to shower because I really needed one. After I finished showering I completely sobered up. I was on my way back to the room when something caught my eye.

Pills.

Sleeping pills and pain pills.

She hasn't been sleeping properly, I've noticed. She has bags under her eyes. But pain pills? Maybe her head hurts? Yeah that's it. Maybe I gave her a head ache. I put away the pills back in the cabinet. Something else caught my eye since I was in the shower.

It was a razor.

I walked back to get it. I put the sharp and dangerous metal in my hand. I didn't realize I was crying until I heard someone coming in the restroom. I quickly put the razor back and turned around to no one?

But that's odd.

I decided it was time for me to get out so I exited. I frowned looking at the scan picture. I picked it up and stared at the little ball that looked like a small alien type of human. Haha that's just a weird comparison. I shook my head in amusement of my stupid thought. My smile widened as I remember the day I found out I was going to be a dad, when we told my mum and her dad, when we told the lads and girls, when we told the fans, when we went to the scan for the first time, when we went shopping for the baby. I sighed sadly when I remember one of the most painful memories.

The day I woke up to scream. When I saw the pool of blood surrounding my frightened girlfriend, when we went to the hospital and said that my little girl was gone. I wanted that little girl so badly and then she was gone. Just like that. But lets not forget who's fault that was. Mine.

Tears welled up on my eyes. I put the scan picture gently back. I sighed deeply and turned around to see Josie sleeping. I bit my lip trying to hold back the scream I so desperately needed to get out. I sat at the end of the bed and stared at Josie sleep. Her eyes shut tightly, her breathing unsteady.

If only I didn't tell her to have sex with me. If only I didn't collapse on her the way I did. If only I stopped when I needed to.

If only I didn't screw up then that little girl would still be here. She would be four months old and five to go. She would've opened her tiny eyes and see the world.

I wonder if she would've had my eyes or Josie's, she would have brown hair like the both of us. She would be pale like Josie, she would've been perfect. But I ruined it. A stray tear slipped down my cheek. I sighed.

Why is she still here? Why hasn't Josie left me yet? I hurt her so much? Why does she still care to be here with me?

I love her so much but I know I'm going to lose her. But I don't want that to happen. I left the room and closed the door as quietly as possible. I've been sleeping on the couch for the last few days. I can't stand being in that bed. Bad memories. I shifted uncomfortably on the couch and stared at the ceiling. Wondering when I'll wake up from this terrible nightmare that has become my life.

I closed my eyes trying to sleep but I can't sleep

'Be careful' I heard Ellie whisper. I've been hearing her whisper the every time but I don't get what she means by that.

What does she mean when she says 'be careful'? What am I going to do?

I sighed in frustration and let darkness wrap around me giving me one of its lonely hugs.

Josie's POV

I stirred in bed. I opened my eyes and checked the time.

3:15 am

Guess it's another sleepless night? I sighed knowing I won't be sleeping again. I went to get a glass of water. Nathan was sleeping in the couch again. He doesn't love me anymore and that's what pains me even more.

I drank the glass of water and returned the room. I felt a huge pain waver over me. Not physical pain. Emotional. Tears flooding my eyes. I went into the restroom. That it.

I'm done.

I give up.

I don't care anymore.

It's not worth living anymore.

I'm ending this now.

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NO! WHAT DOES JOSIE MEAN BY THAT?

Do you think I'm going to end Josie's life?

Will Nathan be able to save her in time? Or will she die?

Will Nathan and Josie be able to face yet another problem and face it together or is this it?

Maybe Josie will join Ellie and her mom in heaven?

Comment on what you think.

Might update again today?

Nothing funny here. It won't be funny in a couple of chapters cuz I feel bad if I decide to add some of my jokes or funny things that are going on.

Sorry if I made anyone cry on last chapters or this one.

This chapter is so short! :O

-Josie :) xx