Fool's Gold

48

"You could just read the sample and just see what it is, though." She answered coldly with her eyes tracing the books.

"Do you have any favorite in this book?" I asked, searching for more topics just so she could stay with me, but her answer vanished all my hopes.

"Around page 76-ish I think. Just read here, I'll be at the cashier." And she walked away just like that.

I looked at her, scanning her from behind. The way she walked was the same, her fingers still tracing bookshelves along the way. I miss you, Sapphire. I still love you; please give me one more chance to fix all this.

I sighed, staring at the book and I opened to page 76.

What lips my lips have kissed, and where, and why (Sonnet XLIII)
Edna St. Vincent Millay, 1892 - 1950

What lips my lips have kissed, and where, and why,
I have forgotten, and what arms have lain
Under my head till morning; but the rain
Is full of ghosts tonight, that tap and sigh
Upon the glass and listen for reply,
And in my heart there stirs a quiet pain

...

I cannot say what loves have come and gone,
I only know that summer sang in me
A little while, that in me sings no more.

I shut the book, closing my eyes. I sighed before walking to the cashier, finding Sapphire already looking at me, she knew I was reading the poem.

"Made up your mind?" She asked.

"I'll just go with yours," I smiled nervously and only she replied with a short nod.

"That'd be 9.50 dollars, please." She put the book in the bag and I gave her 10 dollars. "Thanks." She gave me the bag and I didn't move but keep staring at her, hoping something would come out from my mouth.

"Anything else?" She asked and I didn't answer. "You okay?"

I miss you. I miss you and I still love you, please forgive me and give me one more chance. I want you back, Sapphire. I know you're hurting and the fact is driving me crazy. I'm here hurting myself too. I'm sorry. I love you. "I'm okay."

"Okay then, thank you for shopping here, have a nice day." She said her line, shooing me softly.

"I-I'm sorry. Thank you, Sapphire." I thanked her I decided to walk away. I stopped my tracks when I reached the doorknob, facing back to her. "I hope I'll see you around."

---

I took my laptop out and clicked on a specific folder made to keep every favourite thing I like. The idea came up when I was heavy depressed. This soothed the stress.

But this time, I was not accompanied with stress. My mind was empty. My heart was hollow. I was missing something.

Sapphire.

I ran through the folder until the pointer landed on a very recent item. It was a video of Sapphire I took that day she finally decided to skip her class.

"Oh my God!" She squealed. I loved to see her excitement, her smile and happiness. Making her happy made me feel happy too. She was my source of happiness so what can I say.

I remembered her smiling throughout the performance. She smiled at me. I was the cause of that smile. I made her happy.

She looked at me the way I've always wanted to be looked at. Her gaze was loving and attentive.

"Fuck.." I muttered. This wasn't supposed to happen. We weren't supposed to be like this. I was in love with her but at the same time was crazy blinded with the confusedness from Ruby's return.

"Hush! It's already recording!"

"Hiii!"

"So I had an amazing day with this amazing guy, and I'm so happy. Thank you, Harry."

"No one has ever done anything close to this for me, so just in case he forgot I just want to let him know-"

"Harry, I just want to let you know that you are the best thing that's ever happened to me."

With that, I crashed my lips to hers.

I gulped. This was when I kissed her and the camera was still recording, and I gulped as I watched how we kissed. I remembered it all clearly, how her plump lips felt against mine and how they rhymed beautifully. I remembered how my hands gripped her hips while her finger tangled shamelessly on my hair; I remembered her warm breath on my face, and I remembered every look on her eyes every time after we kissed.

I miss her. I love her.

She stayed and I left her. I left her like Will did like Ruby did to me. I was no different than both of them.

She was once again broken. And it was because of me.

J was right. I could not give up on her just because she gave up on me. She had every right to do so and it was my job to chase her. To not give up.

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