Imperfectly Perfect

Chapter 12 - Friends? I guess

I type and retype words to form the message, but don't send anything. Suddenly, I remember today is Indian Independence Day and that can be used as a nice weapon to start a conversation with him. Therefore, I type "Hey, Happy Independence Day," and send.

I don't see if he sees the message or not, but simply concentrate on my lunch and the movie. Another 20 minutes pass, and I'm done eating and feel super saturated with food. On dumping the plates and cooking utensils in the sink, I walk inside the bathroom to rinse my mouth and wash my hands. Owing to standing for longer hours while cooking, I feel my legs ache a lot. I jog back to the couch and lie down, grabbing my mobile and fixing my eyes on the television screen.

I check messenger and see that Steven checked my message, but didn't reply. I feel my heart fall on the ground because I'm sure that he mind my over clingy approach towards him. The fact that I've to now face him every day in office makes me sadder. I don't know if my anticipations are correct, I don't know what he is thinking, what is going on in his mind, I don't know anything. But, I want to know, I want to know so bad. I want to apologize to him and undo the wrongdoings. This is so not me, and at this moment I can actually realize how right Sirin, Amrita and even Niall were before. I had dug up my own grave and now I was simply being lied down.

I take my mobile and type another message, "Hey, what happen?" and send again, trying to sound normal.

He sees my message readily, but still doesn't reply.

I go crazy. "Hey, are you angry on me?" I send the third time.

He sees my message again, and ignores again.

"Heyyyy, what's wrong Steven? You're seeing my message, but not replying? Is everything alright? I apologize if I said something wrong," I send for the fourth time.

I've lost my mind and I can only feel my heartbeats accelerate to an abnormal rate. In normal situations, I wouldn't have bothered to send him a second message after he ignored my simple "Independence Day" one. However, something from inside me was craving to get some form of reciprocation from Steven - whatever it is, I was done with him and I was done feeling this jittery all the time.

I fold my legs and keep a hand on my chest. And just then, my phone buzzes and I ask God to give me strength to accept whatever Steven's reply is. I unlock the screen and open his message. He has sent me five messages.

"Relax," the first message reads.

"I'm not going to be somebody who messages you every 2 seconds," the second message reads.

"I have very low interest in knowing how everything is with everyone. You do not seem to realize that so I'm saying it."

"If you can please tone down and not message every 10 seconds."

"I'm not going to be able to respond. And you don't like that, so do not create a situation like that in the first place," his last message reads.

As we see in movies, I should either drop the mobile from my hand or throw it away and break it. But this is real life and I behave normally - I keep my mobile beside me and lean against the couch. I absolutely feel numb in my entirety and strangely find myself smiling at the situation.

This is actually what I was looking for. I needed closure to understand my road ahead, to get a hint of how and what I should feel and finally move on from Steven's chapter of my life. I don't even try to make myself think let alone realize that some guy, who just caught my attention because of his good looks ruthlessly, blasted me for no good reason - without even giving me an opportunity.