blurry face - phan

chapter nine

"So, what is on the agenda first Daniel?" Troye asks as he follows Dan to their first class.

"Well Mr Mellet, first we have a nice, fun period of ancient history," Dan replies enthusiastically, "followed by a great hour of legal studies."

"I picked a bad day to sit in on your classes, didn't I?" Troye asks with a moan.

"Yep," Dan laughs, "you sure did."

They're late, it's okay because the principal notified their teacher, but it also draws all eyes to them, and the whole class seems to recognize Troye.

A murmur sweeps through the sea of blurry faces and Dan feels slightly self conscious as no doubt they're whispering as to why someone as ordinary as Dan would be with someone like Troye.

"Hi, I'm Troye," Troye says, giving his signature smile, which Dan can't see, and waving at everyone, "I'm sitting in on the classes today, I hope you don't mind. The principal, Mr Green, said it would be okay."

"Yes, he did tell us, take a seat Troye," Miss Sinclair says, before adding, "and you too Dan, I want to start this lesson."

No one pays attention, they're all too busy turning around and staring at Troye, or whispering about him. And as for Troye himself, well he spends the entire time talking to Dan.

Troye is so happy with his life right now, Dan feels a pang of envy. He wants the happiness Troye has, and he wants to love what he does as much as Troye does. Troye grew up in a large, loving family and is now living the life he's always dreamed of.

Dan's only support is his parents, and they're falling apart themselves. His home is broken much life himself, he has few friends and is stuck in school feeling miserable.

"Are you okay Dan?" Troye asks quietly as Dan takes down notes in his book.

"Quite fine," Dan replies, "you?"

"I don't think so," Troye says doubtfully, "you're telling me this afternoon."

Dan remains silent, but maybe it will be better for him to share, after all, talking apparently helps.

After the bell for the end of first period rings, the class jets over to Troye before he can so much as stand, and Dan is pushed to the sidelines. At first, Troye is hard to spot among all the other blurred out faces, but Dan spots his clothes and his hair in the middle of the crowd.

"That was hectic," Troye breathes as they walk to second period, gaining many looks and whispers in the hallways, "I didn't expect do many people here to be fans."

"You're too modest Sivan," Dan says, "you're like, almost as famous as One Direction."

"Not quite," Troye laughs, "and I don't really want to be. I'm happy with where I am now."

"What? In the top charts?" Dan asks, raising an eyebrow, "you're amazing Troye!"

"Well, I do try," Troye laughs, "I'm so grateful for all the support I receive."

"Well you deserve it," Dan says simply, shrugging.

"Nah, people like you deserve it Dan, you've been through a lot more than me," Troye says,

Troye is right, Dan has been through more than him. But Troye us living his dream while Dan's life is falling apart. and that's just how the world works.

Life isn't always fair, but unfairness is all Dan knows.

***

Phil is in the cafe.

Dan can see him, from his and Troye's corner booth, over on the other side, slumped over with Chris, his friend whom Dan had never spoken to.

"So, tell me what's up Dan," Troye says, taking a sip of his drink, "I know something is wrong, I can tell."

Dan hesitates, looking around the cafe filled with blurred faces, and briefly looking over the one in the corner that isn't. He looks back to Troye and sighs deeply.

"Mum and dad aren't happy together anymore," Dan says quietly, looking at the steam rising out of his drink, "whenever they're home, which is never anyway, they're fighting. I don't know what to do, I can't... And..."

Dan is struggling with the last part. He still hasn't 100% accepted his alcohol problem and struggles to speak about it. But he wants to tell Troye, to stop it from dragging his heart down further.

"And I just, I was in hospital. And now in counseling once a week," Dan says quietly, tears welling in his eyes and he wipes them away.

"Why Dan?" Troye asks, frowning at him while reaching out and placing his hand on top of Dan's, worried about his friend.

"I became... I... I kept drinking when things got bad," Dan says softly, looking down in shame, "and I wouldn't stop."

"Oh my god, Dan..." Troye whispers, lost for words.

"A few weeks ago, I drank too much and well, I collapsed at school and it's all just gone downhill."

Dan can feel the all too familiar sensation of tears rolling down his cheeks, and he knows he's crying. Troye doesn't say anything, he just slides into Dan's side of the booth and hugs him tightly, while Dan cries onto his shoulder.

But even through his tear filled vision, he can still see Phil staring at him, his blue eyes unreadable. And as soon as he looks into Dan's eyes, he just turns away and doesn't look back.

Like Dan doesn't even exist anymore.

***

phil

Phil had to look away.

Seeing Dan hug that stranger made his heart squeeze with an unknown emotion. Dan was obviously close with him, and for some reason, Phil envied that.

Phil would be lying if he said that part of him didn't miss Dan, and god that boy was everywhere anyway, but he just doesn't know how to show that.

Besides, Dan is mad at him and he was being a hypocrite anyway. He was making Dan fix his problems while Phil just sat around smoking and drinking as well. Phil sighs, sneaking a peak out his bedroom window into Dan's own one.

Dan is sat on his bed, talking to his friend from before, Troye, Phil was pretty sure. The guy was apparently famous and also close with Dan. Phil shuts his curtain, sick of watching them laugh together.

He doesn't get it, why is he so emotional all of a sudden? Why does he miss Dan? He isn't prepared for all these new feelings just being dumped on him. Phil is panicking, unsure as of what to feel.

Phil glances at the ugly mirror hanging on his wall. His father gave it to him after Phil got his first tattoo, hoping that Phil seeing it everyday would stop him from getting more - it didn't work. Phil has always hated that mirror, and he needs to get all these emotions out some way.

Phil can't think straight, all his thoughts are racing. His heart is feeling so much and he feels as if he may implode from emotional stress. His heartbeat is getting faster, his breathing more rapid...

SMASH!

Phil watches as the mirror falls to the ground. pieces of the glass smashed on the floor, other bits broken but still clinging to the frame. His breathing is heavy, but his heart is slowing down. Phil can't even remember punching the mirror.

He looks down at his knuckles, now sore and split open, blood beading in the fresh wound. Phil continues to stare at his hand and at the mirror, partially in awe and shock at what he's done. The mirror is shattered, but he'll get a new one. His knuckles are sore, but he'll get over it.

The scariest part of it is that he can't even remember doing it, he just... Lost control.

**********

an// hey hope you enjoyed! Sorry it's a little late but you guys get the votes so fast!!! (not that in complaining).

45 votes and 25 comments for the next chapter?

I know it seems like a lot but I always make the goal under the number of votes the last chapter for so I know it will be reached soon anyway. :)

What are your thoughts on Troye? On Phil's emotions? What do you think should happen next?

Anyway, hope you enjoyed! Update when the goal is reached. And thanks so much for 2K reads!! :D