The One that got away

Chapter Five

Sunday

6:00 A.M

AJ's Penthouse (AJ’s POV)

Today, rain fell down on me. I feel very lonely. I feel like some parts of me are missing. I have never felt like this for a long time; being lonely. I hate what I had to go through to get to where I am now. A heartless beast. Somehow, I finally accepted the fact that experiences made us stronger. But not this time.

I held the note I found last night.

"I'm missing you but I don't know how to tell you.

I don't even know when to tell you.

More so, I don't even know if you should know.

I love you.

 I still do.

The more I hide it the greater it's transparency.

The more I suppress it the stronger it becomes.

 The more I deny it, the greater the agony you have affected me.

So tell me how to tell you. To tell you, that I love you so."

The bottom part of it, where I supposed the name of the author was smudged by a wine glass, I guessed. I felt the heaviness on every word. The suffering that the author is going through is something like a silent killer. In contrary to what I feel, I blamed her. It's her or his fault; Falling in love and being so vulnerable. I read the last line again then I remembered her. I haven't called her for a while and I think I miss her. I picked up the phone and dialed the number that I kept for so long. The phone rings on the other line and for some reason my heart beat went up a notch. 

"Hello?" She really has a sweet voice.

"I missed you." I said. I can hear her sad smile after I said those 3 words.

Sunday

6:00 A.M

Samantha's apartment. (Sam’s POV)

"I missed you too."  Felt like crying, so I sat down on the floor with my knees to my chin.

"When will you be coming here?" I can't help it. Tears run down my face.

My eyes were burning with tears and my right eye still aching. Thank God! The swelling has subsided. It's still early in the morning and Lexie is still sleeping.

"I'll be there next Sunday. Stop crying." I heard him said from the other line. I just can't contain my happiness after hearing him coming over. Finally! I bit my lower lip to stop my voice from shaking. "I'll be waiting." I said.

"Listen Sam. I have to go. I'll see you on Sunday. Okay?" He seemed to be in a hurry. "I love you, Sam".

"Okay. I'll see you and love you too." I sniffed. "Dad?"

"Hmmm?" He said.

"Take care of yourself." I told him.

"I will. Goodbye." He said and the line went to a busy tone.

I feel very sad. I haven't seen him for a while. I'm closer to him than my mom. I let my tears fall down and let myself cry. After few minutes, I feel calm. Sad but calm.

"These too shall pass." I recited it to myself. I saw Lexie moved and raised her head. 

"Sam? You are crying again?" She said in a hoarse voice. 

"I'm Okay." I just said even though it's clearly not. I just can't stop crying.

I saw her sat and walk towards me. She did a squat position in front of me and said "This crying is beginning to be your habit and it's getting old. I have had enough letting it go. So what's really happening with you?" She said impatiently. It's true. She has been lenient with all my crying and not telling her the reason behind it.

"It's a long story." I said.

"I have time. Fill me in...But wait!. Let me make a coffee." She stood and half ran to the kitchen.

A few minutes later Lexie came back with 2 cups of coffee. She placed the other cup beside me and she took a sip on hers before putting it down. "Okay. I'm ready." She sits in front of me cross-legged.

"Remember when I was not so happy during college graduation?" I asked her through sniffed in between. 

"Yeah? Sort of." She said unsurely. Of course! That was five years ago. I guess I'm the only who hasn't moved on. The rest of the world does and I'm still stuck with the past.

"Well, something happened prior to graduation day." I said. I can see her curiosity on it. "You know that my parents divorce after graduation right?" I continued.

"Yes" She nodded. 

"Well there is a deeper reason why it has to come to divorce." I said to her between sniffs. I looked at her and she’s still listening very intently. 

I told her why my father decided to break up with my mom. How everything turned out to be a deceit to everyone. My mom had an affair with another man. He found it out 6 months after she started seeing that culprit. My mom is undeniably beautiful and attractive. She said that she fell out of love with my father when he got busy with his job. I was hysterical when I found out. My father worked so hard to support our needs and her lifestyle. I told Lexie that what I hated the most is that, when they broke up my father took the blame. He twisted the story around in order to make my mom out-of-the-picture from those judgmental eyes.

The day after graduation he left the house and left everything to my mom even us, his own children.  He said that she can take care of us better than he could. My mom won't allow my father to come in the house to visit us. She said that we can only meet him somewhere outside the house. She's vile and evil! She's so heartless! I hate her so much.

"I haven't seen my father for a lone time." I said to Lexie after narrating every family affair in the past. 

"That's very tragically sad." She said and gave me a hug. "You're fine now. Look at you; you're able to stand on your own feet." She said after letting me go. Somehow, that made me feels better. I sniffed and drank the last drop of coffee in my cup.

"Sam?" asked Lexie whil studying me. "Now that you mentioned about the past..." she paused and look at me intently. "Ahm...." She hesitated.

"yeah?" I said to make her feel that it's okay to go on.

"Ahm... what happened between you and AJ?" She blurted it out fast. 

My heart sank to the pit of my stomach. I was caught off-guard. I feel my chest tightened. My throat dried up. I don’t know what to tell her or how to tell her. All I know is I don’t want to remember that part of the past. I don't know where to start. It was the most regrettable and tragic events in my life.

My thoughts went to the back of my mind; to the hidden part and a series of memories came rushing to view. I feel like someone is tearing my heart because my eyes start to burn. I feel my grip on the cup tightened. I think I was about to cry again.

"Okay. Fine." Lexie said before my tears fall down. "I get it. Please don't cry again. I'm always here if you're ready to talk about it. Okay?" She said.

I nodded and let out a long sigh and wipe the welling tears off my eyes. 

"I'll order pizza." Lexie stood up and picked up the phone then sits in the kitchen.

I like her like that. She always gave me space on everything. She's not nosy even if I’m obviously hiding something. She's not too dramatic when I go ballistic on something. She's always calm and so trusting when it comes to me. But still, for a moment there, it still hurts like hell when she mentioned AJ.