Red-Heads On The Battle Front

38. I Kind Of Maybe Sort Of Possibly Like You Perhaps

"Celia" I said
"Cornelia" he gestured to the note I'd gotten. So our sisters had planned this. My heart sank.
"Right" I was struggling to hide the disappointment from my voice. So he didn't want to see me after all. He'd been drawn here by the thought of me apologizing. Not because he wanted anything to do with me, he just wanted a score to be settled.

My thoughts were further confirmed when he leaned back in his chair and sighed, "I guess I better get going then" He looked to Brooke, obviously to signal that he didn't need that coffee any longer. No.
"Wait" I said, before I could stop myself. He looked at me, surprised but steady. I took a deep breath,
"Maybe we should talk" I mumbled and he raised an eyebrow. Leaning forward, he interlocked his fingers.
"So talk then" he said, his eyes narrowing slightly. It came out as frosty as the air outside. He seemed to realize too, but there would be no apologies from him this time. No, it was my turn.

"Dev" I pulled my chair closer "Dev, I'm sorry. I really am"

And before I could stop myself, the whole story came pouring out of me. Years of hurt and hate swept through my body like an unstoppable tidal wave, a tsunami of emotion so long untapped, hidden. Unchaffingly, earnestly, completely un-Gwen-like.

"I hated you. For so many years, it was stupid and immature and it's not like you could do anything about moving away anyway, but I hated you for it. I hated you for leaving me alone and friendless, to deal with Cynthia and Kelsey and the rest of them because I really couldn't without you and I know it was so very long ago and that those eleven years are gone and that we can't change it but I really shouldn't have. I'm sorry, I really am"

I was gasping, nearly sobbing now, "And when you came back, I didn't know what to do. I was moving away anyway, for college, and you'd come back too late. I'd promised myself all those years ago that if you ever came back I'd make your life hell, but there was always some part of me that missed you. I hated you, but I hated myself more for that. I have this complex about being strong and I didn't want you to hurt me again, even if the first time wasn't even really your fault. I felt like being your friend or anything really would make me weak. I didn't-I couldn't-"
"Gwen"
"And I just-"
"Gwen" His fingers found mine. The contact made me shudder to a stop, too surprised to continue my half hysterical tirade. I looked up at him, stupidly expecting coldness where instead there was warmth. His eyes were a little bright but soft, smiling, the way I liked them best.
"Oh gods, this is embarrassing" I said looking away, but not drawing my hands back. I was back to being myself, surly, sarcastic...but somehow lighter. After a very heavy burden was gone.

My heart was dancing the tango in my chest as his thumb rubbed circles on my hand. He's holding my hand, he's holding my hand, he's holding my hand. Wait, does that mean what I think it means? What what what-
"We're good, then?" I asked nervously, my mind on overdrive as he still didn't say anything. Gah, stupid question. He chuckled lightly
"I think we're a little more than good" he winked and my face flamed as I scowled at him. This only served to make him laugh more and I pinched his fingers. He mock-winced and slapped my fingers lightly
"Ow. No violence woman" he said. I smiled happily to myself.

"Coffee and cake for the happy couple" Brooke looked ecstatic and we jumped back from each other, his face as red as mine for once. It would've been adorable, had my face not looked the same way. Not adorable. Nope. Not in the slightest.
"W-we're not-"
"Well-"
"Shut up, Dev-"
"No you shut up, let me handle this-"
"You little-"
She laughed at our bickering, only furthering to cement my belief that the ship that was us had not sunk in her mind. Do I want it to sink?

The coffee and cake was good, and we sat in amicable silence. He seemed thoughtful as he sipped his coffee, stealing bits of my cake as he went along. I pretended to be displeased, but really wasn't. When he was done, he set his mug down and looked at me, a strangely intense look in his dark eyes. It set me a little on edge, but I had an inkling as to what it was about.

"Gwen, I have my own explaining to do..." I nodded. I think I knew where this was going. He sighed.

"I didn't want to leave. I think that move messed me up a lot. It certainly lead to a couple of complications later on. That day, in the supermarket" I nodded. The bump, the medicine "I assume you know what those are for. Clinical depression and anxiety. Anger management issues. Other odds and ends." He looked a little stressed but kept going.

"I'd been going to a therapist for a couple of years and nothing seemed to be working. I still hated everything and everyone, mostly myself. I still felt empty and there seemed to be nothing there. I had friends, I had a team, but those things meant little to nothing to me. My parents started getting worried, so they switched my doctor to someone else. He asked my parents if anything majorly traumatizing had happened in my life and they answered no, of course. My life was fairly normal, apart from the crazy" he laughed a little bitterly at this "But then they told him about the move and he suggested moving back. Just for a couple of months, to see if it worked out. And so they did. It helped. It helped a lot" he was looking at me now and my eyes widened. He couldn't mean me "I just didn't expect you to dislike me as much" he laughed now and I felt horrible. If I'd just been nicer...

"I'm so sorry" I whispered. He looked surprised.
"Why're you sorry?"
"I should've been nicer and-"
"Hey, don't worry about it. If anything, your pranks made me laugh and it gave me direction" his eyes were crinkling again and I felt a sudden rush of...my eyes widened.

I like him. I really, really like him.

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A/N: So that's another update ^_^ See? I didn't leave you guys hanging for too long. More coming soon.

xxx
Sage