Solace

Chapter Five

Without acknowledging, Louis sighed, because hell, the tea was good, if not better than the one he always made at home.

They sat in silence for a good few minutes, just enjoying their tea and Louis finally relaxed. He felt his shoulders drop and Anne, noticing the change, smiled to herself. Louis reminded her of her son so much. How he would relax when the warm liquid Anne made, came rushing down his throat or when they would just sit in their living room, silent, just relaxing.

Her son was in the process of moving out though, that's why she tried to enjoy every single moment they had together, savour it almost. That's why Louis nearly bought a tear to her eye. Because Anne realised that soon, her baby will be gone, away from home, and who knows, he might end up as sad and in so much trouble with himself. He might lose himself, but then again, that's what every mother worries about, right?

Although Anne was scared to let him go. He had depression during his teenage years and she was scared to let the little bird fly out of the nest. At times, even, he would wear the same expression that Louis had drawn on his face; the one full of worry, embarassment but also relaxation.

She sighed quite loudly, still holding on to the cup with both of her hands and finally began to talk to Louis, watching his every move carefully.

Louis noticed the gaze Anne was giving him and placed the mug in between his knees, still holding on to it. He licked his bottom lip, the action suddenly changing into a lip-bite, which only lasted for about a second. His eyes closed for a moment and re-opened, feeling quite a bit better than before.

Watching his small actions, Anne couldn't help but see her son. He did the same thing when he'd finish with his tea or simply be ready to listen.

"Louis," Anne started and Louis' eyes went up to look at her, however, not in her eyes, "Do you know why you're here?" She asked sympathetically.

Louis nodded in the smallest movement possible and began shaking with fear.

"Louis, what's wrong?"

He didn't answer, but took a big gulp of his warm tea which seemed to soothe him and calm him down.

"I do and I don't know why I'm here." He opened up.

"Would you like to tell me more about that?" She questioned carefully, watching his actions.

"I'm antisocial, guess my mum wants to change that. Louis shrugged. I was bullied as a kid, I still get abuse thrown at me whenever I leave my house and I just want to end my life right here and right now."

"Look, Louis," He still couldn't find the confidence in him to look up at Anne, "I'm not going to say that I deal with cases like yours every day, because the truth is, I don't. But what I'm going to say next is really important and it's important that you listen and remember everything."

"We can get through this together. I'm here to help you and your mum dropped you off here because she doesn't want to lose her son. I have a son myself, and I would kill if I lost him. As a mum, it's terrible watching your kid fade away."

"You shouldn't want to end your life, it's as precious, or even more than millions of diamonds put together. You might've come across bumps up until this point in your life, but some day, it will get better. I'm not saying that it will all take a three-sixty degree turn for the better, because that's not reality. But you have to breathe and live your life to finally let it make you happy."

"I just," Louis signed, "I feel lost, I don't even know who I am myself."

"I understand that Louis."Anne nodded, taking a sip of her tea.

Louis shrugged again, and his eyes landed on his wrists, which were thankfully covered by a hoodie which he managed to put on before he left his room. As much as he wanted to tell someone, he felt like he couldn't. Cutting felt like his secret, that was his and his only and it felt good to have something hidden along with his soul.

"Do you have any friends back home?"

"As I said, no-one wants me there. No-one back in Doncaster wants me to live, they all hate me. " Louis took a deep breath because he was feeling tears stinging his eyes mildly.

"What gives you that impression?"

"They say it to my face." Louis took quite long to sign his answer but he felt kind of relieved that he admitted to it.

"Oh Louis," Anne felt like she wanted to hug the boy, man, lad, but she didn't want to scare him away. She was only a therapist, "And how about here, do you have any friends here? You've been here for a few days now."

"I don't know." Louis shrugged once again. "I wouldn't call them a friend... I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know?" Anne pushed.

"I've never been treated nice in my life so I don't know if they're actually being nice to me or just are trying to bring me up to let me fall back down."

He said it or, technically, signed it. He signed what was on his mind for the past few days but what he had told Anne was only part of it.

"But they won't leave my mind." Louis confessed. "And it annoys the hell out of me. I think I might hate them actually."

They sat in silence, Anne looking for the right words to say. Louis seemed to get more comfortable with each sip of tea but the tension surrounding himself was getting in the way of Anne's job. She wanted to help him, she wanted to do it badly.

Just as she was about to open her mouth, there was a knock on the door. Before Anne could say anything to the person behind the door, it opened and a curly haired lad walked in through, walking across the room.

"Sorry, I just came in to grab some papers-" He stopped, his eyes pausing on Louis, "Louis. Hey!" He smiled.

Louis looked as lost as ever.

"Alright, Harry, please don't interrupt me during one of my sessions again, I've told you this countless times."

"Sorry mum." He muttered.

He left without a word and Louis was paralyzed. Anne was Harry's mum? He just told her that he hated her son. Great. Louis thought.

"Louis? Louis!" Anne was shouting but Louis couldn't help but stand up from the couch and bolt out of the room. He ran across the hallway and locked himself in his room.

He found the broken pieces of his blackberry and picked them up. Gathering them all together, he opened the window and chucked them out, hoping that the one thing he had from Harry, would stop Harry being everywhere where Louis was.

Louis really hated Harry. He didn't want to see him and he didn't see why Harry had to be so nice to him.

I hate you. Louis screamed inside, tears threatening to fall.

Just as one tear slipped, a soft knock sounded from the door.

Louis cursed.

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