Falling Slowly

Bliss

Idina's Point of View

"I don't know what it is. I'll see you tomorrow." And with that I finally gain control of my door. I shut it, quickly, but careful not to smash his fingers. How dare he. All he sees is when I've been weak. What about all the times I was strong? They don't matter. Of course they don't matter. I'm always the fuck up. That all I do. Fuck shit up. Never succeed. My stomach growls but I ignore it. I stop to think about the last time I ate. I got too busy to eat at all today. Oops. James would kill me if I knew. Not that he's going to find out. I might be stupid but I'm not that stupid. At last I pull up in front of the small, studio apartment I have while we're in Denver. It's not much. Everyone expects me to stay in the high class apartments or a hotel with the cast but I prefer where I am. Alone. Away from everyone. It's a humble little place. The heating isn't great, the furnishings are unelaborate, the internet doesn't always work, but I like it. I take the hike up to the fourth floor and take my keys off from around my neck. The hallway spins a bit and I steady myself against the doorknob. The world stills and I unlock the door, shoving it a little bit to get it open. I only got to stop by a little bit before going for my run and haven't hardly unpacked anything. I find the box with my coffee maker and I bring it up onto the counter. First things first, after all. I set coffee to brew and head into the living area and grab the book I'm currently reading. Flopping into the lazy chair, my muscles refuse to cooperate for a moment. I'm exhausted. The clock blinks 10:43pm. The air rushes out of my lungs in a disappointed sigh. Sleep is still hours away. The aroma of coffee floods the small apartment and I set the book aside. I open the silverware drawer for a spoon but something else catches my eye. The knives. No. Oh yes. Perfect. Beautiful. I shed my sweater and pick one up, testing its weight, catching the light with the blade. The cold metal touches my bicep and I drag it quickly across my skin. Bliss. The ground rushes up to catch me as my consciousness fades.

James's Point of View

Dammit. I watch her car lights fade around the corner. What the hell are you playing at, Snyder? You broke her trust. Did you really think it was going to be that easy to get it back? No. Idina was easy to trust, but it was rare for her to reciprocate the feeling to it's full extent. I begin the short walk back to my car, cursing my stupidity under my breath. At least I get to see her tomorrow. She can't miss reuniting with the cast for our first full rehearsal. Maybe I freaked out a little. I'm just worried about her, dammit. I climb in my truck and take off towards the high class part of town where the cast is staying. I wonder if Idina is staying with us. Maybe one of the girls will know. I pull in to the parking lot and see Jenn's little red car. I smile crosses my face and my worries begin to fade. I'll keep Idina's secret, pretend we didn't meet tonight. No reason not to have a little fun. As I walk towards the door, I unbutton a shirt button, not a single worry remaining in my mind.