A Million Trillion Billion (What's Eating Gilbert Grape Fanfic) *ORIGINAL*

Chapter 17 - My Knight Steals Your Forgiveness

I knock on the door, with a shaky hand.
Jimmy opens it, looking at me with concern.

Jimmy lets me stay with him for as long as I like, and I get his room and he sleeps on the couch.
Reluctantly - I should have the couch - I get into his bed with new sheets and open my notebook to continue writing.

"Janie! I'm all better!" Arnie walks over to me. I'm sitting on the couch, pondering.
"That's great news Arnie." I say, with no emotion, not even looking at him.
"Janie? Can you put Arnie to bed?" Gilbert's voice echoes in my head.
"Yes." I reply.
"Arnie, come on, let's go upstairs to bed." I turn around, and he is pouting at me. "No. I'm not tired." He crosses his arms, like a child. "Gilbert says you have to go to bed now." I say, the tone of my voice sounds angry. "NO!" He shouts.
"YOU WILL GO TO BED NOW!" I say, slapping him across the face.
He falls to the ground, burying his head in his hands, crying.
I stand over him, waiting for him to get up.
All of a sudden, he looks up at me.
And then he's gone.
I'm standing outside the house now, and Gilbert walks up to me, shaking his head. "You brought this upon yourself Janie." He frowns, and he continues to walk past me.
I watch as he steps onto the road, and I run towards him as I see a truck approaching him.
"GILBERT!" I cry out.
I look over his body, kneeling by the side of the road.
"IT'S ALL MY FAULT!" I yell over and over.

I sit up in bed. My heart pounding, and my head dizzy.
That phrase echoes in my mind.
It's all my fault.
I roll my eyes and sigh, throwing the sheets off of myself, wondering if I believe it or not.
"Morning." Jimmy drones from the kitchen.
I grunt back in response.
"What's up with you this morning?" He asks, sitting beside me on the couch, with a hot mug of coffee. "Ah, just a shitty sleep, that's all." I mutter. "Well, grab yourself a mug, there's some coffee sitting on the bench if you want." He offers, relaxing back into the couch. I smile gratefully. "Thanks." I say.

I emerge from the bathroom, in fresh clothes. "That's better." I brush myself off.
I wander outside to see Jimmy sitting on a wooden chair behind the small table they have out back.
"Come sit." He says. "Okay." I shrug.
"Hey, his this checkers?" I ask, pointing to the checkered board in front of me.
Jimmy chuckles. "Almost. It's chess." He says. "I've never played before! How do you play?" I say, instantly intrigued.
"Well, you see this guy? The one with the cross on his head?" He asks, pointing to a brown piece. I nod. "This is the king. Now the aim of the game is to capture the king, by blocking him from any possible escape." He explains. "Right. Is there only one king?" I ask, looking at all the different pieces in front of me.
"No, you have one too." He picks up an identical piece, except in white.
"Here's your king." He says, placing it on one of the middle squares on the row closest to me.

After explaining the rules in detail to me, we have a 'practice' game as Jimmy likes to call it.
"And I take your knight with my bishop." He announces, moving his bishop diagonally, and taking my piece off the board. "Oh no! I liked that piece." I say, pouting. Jimmy laughs. "You've got another one you know." He says, pointing to one on the other end of the board. "Oh, pfft of course I do." I say, picking it up and moving it. "My knight takes your queen." I say, feeling proud. "Oh man! I didn't see that, excellent move." He says, nodding in approval.
"Haha! Take that sucker!" I say. "Oi! This is a friendly game of chess." He says. "It's not friendly anymore." I laugh, picking up one of the pieces and chucking it at him. "Woaah!" He laughs, chucking two back at me.

"Jim." Mrs Sullivan appears at the doorway, with a stern look on her face. The bags under her eyes tell me she's hardly slept.
I raise my eyebrows, looking between the two, trying to decode the unspoken conversation.
"Mom...?" He says warily.
"Oh Jim..." She shakes her head, putting her face in her hands.
Jimmy scrambles out of his seat and runs over to comfort his mother.
"Is-is everything okay?" I mutter quietly, thinking aloud.
"Oh shit!" I say, realising I've still got my own family dramas.
"I-I have to- I have to leave I'm so sorry!" I say, grabbing my jacket and throwing it on.
"Wait! Janie!" Jimmy runs after me as I briskly gather my things.
"It's all my fault." I say, repeating those dreaded words I've come to believe.
"What's all your fault?!" He stands there, in the doorway, watching me as I throw my things into a bag.
"It's.... My fault...." I trail off.
"What is your fault?!" He says, beginning to get frustrated. "I-I'll come back, I promise, and I'll explain. I just have to go." I spit, leaving him baffled, standing in the door, as he watches me go without an answer, nothing.
But he too knows, that it's all my fault.

"Hi, I'm here to see Arnold Grape?" I swallow hard as I tell the receptionist what I'm after.
Out the corner of my eye, I spot the nice nurse who guided me through the hallways a couple days ago.
"Kate!" I yell, rushing over to her. "Kate I need to see Arnie." I explain, panting.
She frowns. "I'm afraid he was checked out yesterday." She says. "What?!" I exclaim, confused. "That's can't be... He was in a critical state..." I say. "Apparently he became better and was sent home." Kate shrugs, sympathetically.
"O-okay.. Thanks.." I say, feeling hopeless.

I rush back to the house, my legs burning with each step I take.
I see the back of Gilbert's head, leaning against the tree.
"GILBERT!" I scream, running towards him. He turns around, and frowns.
I trip over my feet, exhaustion running through my head. I try to get up, but I've pushed myself too far.
I hear footsteps, and I look up to see Gilbert, standing over me.
"Where's Arnie?" I ask, not having he strength to sit up. "He's safe at home, the doctors said he could be here unless he had another episode again." Gilbert says softly, kneeling down.
He smiles, moving my hair out of my face.
"Let's get you inside." He picks me up, and helps me along so I can get inside.
"Ouch." I flinch, as I step on my right foot. "I think I've torn my ankle." I say. "Maybe... You took a hard fall." He says, looking at it with concern.

"Here, that should help." Amy hands me an ice pack. I'm sat on the couch with my right leg elevated onto the coffee table, feeling like a massive idiot.
"So you ran here all the way from Greensdale?" Ellen says with wide eyes. I nod, pressing the ice pack to my ankle, immediately feeling the swelling go down. "Wow. That's dedication." She says, with a shocked laugh.
Arnie is upstairs, and I was told to stay downstairs until my ankle feels okay, so I'm yet to see him.
"How is he?" I ask Amy. "He's doing okay." She replies, as she cleans the kitchen bench. "Just okay?" I ask, my eyebrows kitting together. "Yeah. How do you expect him to be happy when you're not here?" She says, raising her her eyebrows.
"Oh." I say, slumping back down into my chair.
"Your all he ever talks about." Ellen rolls her eyes. I let out a giggle. "Really?" I say.
I mean, sure, we love each other, but I've never really thought about it like that...
Gilbert enters the room, wiping his feet on the doormat.
"Come on, I'll take you up." He says, with a kind smile.
As he lifts me up, I hug him, whispering a thank you in his ear. "Of course." He says.