Chapter 16 - Match In The Gas Tank

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"Gilbert!" I call out, racing frantically down the halls, dodging nurses and doctors who look at me with a mix confusion and frustration.
"Gilbert where are you?!" I say, coming to a stop. I feel like a rat in a maze. I've turned countless corners and bumped into so many doors, I don't know where I am anymore.
I slump down against a wall, and catch my breath.
I close my eyes, hanging my head and sighing.
Something large whacks my side. "Ow!" I squeal. "Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry!" A tall lady with an Irish accent says, covering her mouth. Her trolley hit me. "Have you come across Gilbert Grape?" I ask, desperately. She shakes her head with a sympathetic look. "Sorry there, I'm afraid I haven't." She says. "Would you take me back to the mental heath ward? My boyfriend is in room 1611." I say to her. She nods. "Come this way." She says with a friendly smile. "I'm Kate." The nurse says.

We approach Arnie's room - after a lot of walking - and Kate says goodbye, and tells me where I can find her if need be.
"Janie! You've been gone hours." Arnie exclaims, at the sight of me. "I know, but I'm here now." I perch on his bed. I run my hand through his hair. "You alright?" I ask, with a soft voice. Arnie holds two thumbs up.
"Hey Janie guess what?" Arnie says. "What?" I say, grinning at him. "Match in the gas tank!" He says, laughing. "Boom!" I say, making an explosion noise. "Match in the gas tank, boom boom!" I sing. "Boom, boom!" Arnie laughs. "Boom, boom!" He says again.
"Do the noise again Janie!" Arnie exclaims. I make the noise again, and Arnie cracks up. I roll my eyes, with a chuckle. "You weirdo! It's not even that funny!" I say, laughing. "I can't do it as good as you." Arnie admits. "Yeah right!" I challenge. "You wanna bet?" I say.
"3, 2, 1!" We count down, making the 'gas station blowing up' noise.
"Do you want to watch a movie?" I grin, after I stop laughing. "Yes!" Arnie exclaims. "Shawshank Redemption!" He throws his arms in the air. "You sure?" I say, raising an eyebrow as I take it out of my bag. "I love that movie!" He says, laughing.
The first time we watched it, I'll admit even I was a little frightened - but now it's one of my favourite movies, and Arnie's.
I still cry about Brooks everytime though.

After the movie, I realise I've still got to find Gilbert and I get up in a panic.
"I'm-I'm sorry Arnie!" I stutter. "I've got to go, I'll be back tonight." I say, looking up at the clock. Wow, 2pm already.
I place a tender kiss on Arnie's lips. "I'll see you soon. I love you." I whisper.
"Love you!" Arnie exclaims. "Be back soon! Goodbye!" He waves. I walk to the door. "Bye!" I wave back.

I run back to the front desk, asking once again, if anyone has seen Gilbert.
I decide I need to eat something. I haven't eaten all day.
The cafeteria isn't too far away, so I decide to get a sandwich from there and sit down at a table.
I tear off the wrapping and take a bite. It tastes similar to how I feel; exhausted and distressed.
It takes me no time to stomach it, and a bottle of orange juice.
I dump the bottle in the bin, and head to the outside gardens. It's quicker to get back to the house from there. It'll still take me at least an hour.
The gardens are peaceful. The only noise you can hear is the distant sound of traffic and the wind blowing gently.
I stroll along, past a few beautiful trees, with tall structures, and deep green coloured leaves.
My thoughts are interrupted with the sound of shoes crunching against dried leaves and twigs.
I look straight ahead, and spot a tall figure, with that familiar reddy brown long hair.
I run up towards Gilbert.
"Gilbert!" I shout. "I've been looking everywhere!" I stop in front of him, resting my hands on my knees to catch my breath.
"Leave me alone Janie." He says bluntly. I frown. "What is the matter with you?!" I cry, feeling frustrated. He doesn't reply.
"Gilbert! Please, talk to me for christ sake!" I exclaim.
He bows his head and continues to walk ahead of me.
"Gilbert!" I exclaim, running to catch up with him again.
I slide in front of him and make him face me. "Why won't you tell me?" I say, desperately.
"You really want to know? Janie? Really?" He barks. I nod, unsurely.
"I was 15 years old when my father killed himself. And 20 when my mother died. I'm sure you're well aware. When the doctor says my brother is in a state of emergency like that, don't you think I'd be a little scared? No, I don't want him in medication. We went through it before. He's not going on it because it makes him..." Gilbert trails off.
Gilbert softens his facial expression at the sight of my bewilderment.
He speaks again, not yelling this time. "I just don't want anything to happen to him. I can't live without him." Gilbert pinches the bridge of his nose, and I know he's holding in tears.
"I can't live without him either. I only want to help him, I love him." I say, shaking my head.
"Then help me, by doing what I ask." Gilbert instructs, not looking me in the eye. "Just stay away from him. If you love him, and you care about me, you'll understand." Gilbert says, sighing.
I look at him with an angered facial expression, a deep frown and teary eyes. "You're asking me to stay away from the only person who keeps me sane in this world? You're telling me to leave him alone when he could need me most? I don't know if you've heard, but I too have lost people close to me, and I am no fucking stranger to that feeling. But if that's what you think of me then I'll stay away." I say through clenched teeth.

I trudge back to Endora, my feet swollen and my heart throbbing.
I don't go home. I go to the only place I can go. The only place I'm wanted.
I go to the Sullivan's.

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