The only effective method

==>Mike: open memo and rant to your poor friends

helplessyDone is Kevin Rodney (the guard of 3), porcelainWitch is Doll. The others are easily understandable.
I added Dave Taylor (Phone dude) to the bunch of guards, because I feel sorry I forgot about him.
... I realized only now that my Phone Dude is named Dave and that this is a Homestuck AU.
Oh my Hussie.

-- scarredGuardian [SG] opened the memo sorry for the rant but i fucking need this

-- scarredGuardian [SG] invited flashlightArmed [FA] purpleMan [PM] gingerAncient [GA] helplesslyDone [HD] phoneDude [PD] and porcelainWitch [PW] to join the memo

[SG]: ok sorry for this rant but i really fucking need this

[PW]: yeah mikey, that's the title of the memo :/

[SG]: who else hates the trolls as much as i do

[PM]: I DUNNO, MAN.

[PM]: ONE OF THEM CONTACTED ME LIKE 3 MINUTES AGO AND HE SOUNDED LIKE A PRETTY CHILL DUDE.

[PM]: THOUGH THE HEART EMOTICON HE SENT ME MAKES ME THINK HE MIGHT BE GAY

[PM]: A PRETTY CHILL ALIEN GAY GUY, AIN'T THAT JUST PRICELESS

[PM]: I MET LGBT E.T.

[PM]: AFTER THIS I DON'T WANNA HEAR ANY MORE EQUALITY BULLSHIT FROM ANYONE.

[PM]: THAT MEANS YOU, JEREMY.

[FA]: ...

[SG]: you cant be serious

[SG]: all the ones who contacted me are freaking assholes

[FA]: Mike, language.

[SG]: fuck language Jeremy this is personal

[SG]: especially bluebosshead and purplesilk

[SG]: ps thinks he's such a smartypants always sassing me around

[SG]: and piratefox is annoying as fuck too

[HD]: Just say you hate them all, it'd be bttr for evrybdy hre \°_°/

[SG]: good idea kev

[SG]: because really i do

[PW]: ummm i don't know??? the girls that contacted me are pretty nice! :o

[PD]: yeah, snowvixen is a cool chick, i agree with dolly-babe here

[PW]: dave, please :|

[GA]: hey, snowVixen and pirateFox contacted me too! :D

[GA]: they're cool, the coolest cool.

[GA]: it's them.

[SG]: have you all hit your head on a spiky metal wall

[FA]: Well, apparently you get all the bad trolls.

[FA]: Or you provocate them, though it sounds weird to me knowing you.

[FA]: Though I guess threateningMarionette and I are not on good terms either.

[FA]: And manlyBluedash is kind of a weird guy.

[FA]: But they don't strike me as bad people. Just a bit aggressive.

[PM]: I WONDER WHAT THEY LOOK LIKE THOUGH.

[PM]: FROM THE DISCUSSION I HAD WITH THEM, I AM STARTING TO BELIEVE THEM WHEN THEY SAY THEY'RE NOT HUMAN.

[GA]: well, hallelujah :/

[GA]: it's weeks i try to get you to understand that.

[PM]: DON'T GIVE ME THAT SHIT FRITZ. IF YOU HAVE TO BRAG DO IT IN SILENCE.

[GA]: but i'm writing, you can't actually hear me °3°

[PM]: YOU SMART LITTLE SHIT.

[AG]: (hehehehehehehe)

[PM]: WHY THE HELL ARE YOU MY BEST FRIEND, AGAIN?

[PW]: sheaningans aside, i'm curious too :o

[HD]: I hrd they hatch? Or smthing? Maybe they're bigass birds

[HD]: Or snakes

[PM]: MAYBE WE'VE BEEN CHATTING WITH XENOMORPHS ALL THIS TIME.

[FA]: I seriously doubt they're snakes...

[PD]: woah, clever xenomorphs, i like dis

[PW]: alien ftw, but i think we're getting off topic :/

[GA]: i think they're like bugs! /*e*/

[SG]: okay gigant humanoid bugs actually souns a hella cool

[PW]: *sigh*

-- scarredGuardian [SG] invited threatheningMarionette [TM] and balloonBoy [BB] to join the memo

[FA]: Mike?

[SG]: the hell

[SG]: it wasn't me i swear

-- threatheningMarionette [TM] and balloonBoy [BB] joined the memo

[TM]: Sorry to interrupt this lovvely convversation, but I just wwanted to tell you that our race is of insectoid descendant.

[BB]: hey :) niice two meet you

[TM]: Wwe are not mere "bugs". I believve you wwould be greatly offinded if wwe called you "monkeys".

[BB]: umm, Pyp? we do call them monkey2.

[TM]: I swwear Bae, next time wwe sea each other I shell kill you, moriail or not.

[BB]: O-O

-- threatheningMarionette [TM] and balloonBoy [BB] left the memo

[SG]:

[FA]: ...

[PM]: I SUGGEST CLOSING THIS MEMO BEFORE OTHER WEIRD SHIT CAN HAPPEN.

[SG]: i second that motion

-- scarredGuardian [SG] closed the memo sorry for the rant but i fucking need this

Both Vincent and I hate those who make everything a question of discrimination. Like, seriously. Let me write my story with a white/male/cis/straight main character without you shrieking about how racist/sexist/transphobic/homophobic that is.
I refuse to make fish puns when writing like Eridan.
...Okay, maybe one or two.