Speak [ phan ]

chapter twenty one

"Hey, it's okay Dan, you're allowed to feel happy you know," Phil says quietly to Dan, giving him a small smile, "it's not a crime."

Dan gives Phil a small smile, but his mood has dropped significantly. Every time he feels happy, it is ripped away from him. Grief doesn't leave you, just as pain doesn't, it lingers within until the day that you yourself pass it on to others. Dan and Quinn have started to pack up the house to rent it, with help from Phil and his parents, but he still hasn't touched his mother's room. Everything is exactly how she left it, and it somehow seems wrong for Dan to just pack her whole existence into these flimsy, cardboard boxes.

"I'm gonna go grab some cold drinks, anyone want one?" Connor asks suddenly, standing up.

"Yeah, I'll have one," Phil says, and Dan nods too.

"I'll be back in five then," Connor says, walking towards the back door into Dan's house.

"Dan, look at me, I know it's hard, and I have no idea what you're going through, but you can't do it alone," Phil says, sitting up, and Dan does the same, their hands still connected.

Dan shrugs simply. He's glad at the moment for his lack of voice. He doesn't have to 'talk' about his feelings because he can't. He doesn't have to return everyone's forced sympathy with 'thank you', he just has to give fake smiles which no one can question.

"Dan, I just want to say that I'm here for you, and I mean it this time. I know that I kind of blew my chances with you last time, but you mean the world to me Dan, and nothing will change that," Phil says, looking Dan in the eyes, making his heart pound inside of his chest, "no matter what Dan, I'll be here for you."

Dan stares back at Phil, his words washing through Dan. He's never had anyone say something like that to him, and the thing is, he feels the same about Phil. Phil is the light in his otherwise dark world. He means the world to Phil. Dan smiles at Phil, full of warmth, and Phil knows that Dan feels the same.

He pulls Dan into a tight hug, they don't need to do anything else to prove how much they mean to each other.

"Everything will be okay Dan, I'll make sure of that," Phil whispers into Dan's ear.

And Dan believes that.

***

Dan can't do this - he really, really can't.

His room, the furniture, everything that made this house feel like home is being backed up and taken away. He can't stand it, most of the furniture that they've had since he was a baby has been sold and is getting taken away. His home is being taken apart and there's nothing he can do about it.

Dan sighs, looking around the room in Phil's house which is officially his. This is his room now. The heartbreaking thing for Dan was that out his window, his old house stares back at him accusingly, looking sad and empty.

"You okay Dan?" Phil asks, walking in, shutting the door softly behind him and sitting beside Dan on his unmade bed.

Dan shrugs, staring at a patch of the grey carpet. Phil looks around at all the still unpacked cardboard boxes piled in the room, obviously seeing that Dan has done absolutely nothing towards unpacking his room as of yet. Phil sighs, feeling a slight pang of hurt at how reluctant Dan is to make this new room home - but he does understand that it would be hard.

Phil stands, walking to the nearest box and opening it. It's all of Dan's little bits and pieces that sit on his shelf, and Phil wants to steal over 90% of them.

"Come on Dan, we could play Mario Cart after we finish," Phil tempts, raising an eyebrow challengingly at him, knowing Dan loved nothing more than owning Phil's ass at the game, "unless you're too scared that I'll beat you."

Dan grins lightly at Phil, walking over to the box Phil has opened, taking a stack of DVDs out and placing them on his shelf, raising an eyebrow back at Phil. Phil laughs and starts to help Dan unpack. They are done within an hour and a half, and all the things are practically in exactly the same spot as Dan had them in his old room.

They then walk together to the upstairs lounge room where Phil has all his games and a computer set up. Phil turns on the Wii and hands Dan a controller before sitting beside him - so close their elbows are touching.

"I'm definitely going to win this time," Phil says confidently, making Dan laugh silently and Phil follow suit, "okay, probably not, but I can dream."

An hour later, the score is Dan: 8 and Phil: 1. Dan grins, punching the air in victory as he wins yet another race, much to Phil's dismay.

"How about whoever wins the next game gets to choose a thing for the other to do?" Phil suggests, grinning sideways at Dan, "it will make it more fun."

Dan nods as Phil sets up another race. What would Phil choose? Dan wonder absentmindedly, what would I get Phil to do? Dan's mind flicks back to their brief kiss, and he thinks about how much he'd like to re-do it, but properly - with no meltdowns or fights afterwards.

Dan is so caught up thinking, he doesn't notice the race has started, and scrambles to get his car started and off after Phil, who's way up ahead and loving his victory.

"Yes! I won!" Phil exclaims after his car crosses the line, making Dan frown and roll his eyes, "I WON!!! I actually won."

Dan rolls his eyes again as Phil jumps to his feet and starts jumping around singing 'I won' over and over again. Dan pulls out his phone, sending Phil a text.

Dan: ok, we get it. you won. That's only because I was distracted at the start. -_-

"Excuses, excuses," Phil says dismissively, grinning at Dan, "now I get to ask you to do something!"

Dan: fine... we all know who is truly master. Let's get this over with.

Phil grins cheekily at Dan, tapping his finger on his chin in thought. Suddenly though, his eyes turn serious, his blue ones looking straight into Dan's brown ones - almost straight into his soul. Phil sits on the couch next to Dan again.

"I-uh, you don't have to Dan, and know that I'll always be here for you as a friend, but I was wondering-" Phil stammers, his cheeks tinting pink before he swallows deeply, gathering courage within him then looking back into Dan's eyes.

"I was wondering if you'd give us another chance, you know, to be together."

***************

an// hey hope you enjoyed!! sorry for the wait, I've been so busy recently, but it wasn't that long so oh well. Please vote, comment and share!! Hope you enjoyed the chapter.

Kind of cliffhanger haha :P Spooky week was amazing, but I'm slightly traumatized by Can Your Pet. Phil trolled us. Anyway, update within a week hopefully!! :D