Broken Generation (Sequel to Don't Go)

Chapter 8

"I came to check up on you and Josh. Where is he?" Austin asked and I sighed slightly, running a hand through my hair.

"He had sent me a message about going to the store... Walking there or something. I didn't really care at the moment I had received the message." I said and Austin nodded, an arm resting on the back of the couch as he tucked a foot underneath him.

"Okay, then how are you doing?" He asked and I let out a sad chuckle, shaking my head.

"I don't know... I mean... its... so much to take in. I lost my other half you know... that's not something you recover from, at least not quickly." I said and he nodded understandingly, looking down at his lap sadly.

"I'm sorry you lost her." He said and I felt the truth eating me alive. I wanted to tell him that Nicole was alive, the she was okay, and I also wanted to tell him that I was going to be a drug addict, and that I needed help. But my mouth stayed firmly shut, jaw clenched.

"Don't say sorry, just blame Oli." I hissed, my grey flinty eyes staring down at my lap. He let out a barely audible sigh, running a hand through his hair.

"Crimson-"

"If you're going to tell me that it wasn't his fault you sure as hell better have some really good evidence, and possibly a lawyer... I'm not sorry Austin, but my mind won't change that easily when it comes to something like this... I've restrained myself from pressing charges, he should be grateful for that." I said flatly, locking eyes with Austin. He paused before nodding, relaxing.

"Alright. I understand... if you ever need anything, I'm here for you." He said and I stared at him, slowly relaxing. This man was a full time singer, a full band with a beautiful voice and amazing talent, and this man clearly wanted to be my friend. This man wanted to get to know me, hang out and relax together.

"Thank you." I swallowed thickly, looking away as I tried not to cry. There was a peaceful silence until he moved, positioning himself so that he was sitting next to me. He pulled me into a hug, and I hugged back, closing my eyes as I buried my nose into his chest, taking a deep breath to calm myself down. He smelled like the morning dew in the mountains, a faint pine fragrance lacing him along with a tinge of smoke, like he had recently been near a fireplace.

"It hurts so bad." I suddenly whispered, holding tighter to Austin. He gently rubbed my back, listening.

"I've wanted to relapse. so bad, it takes so much to not 'accidentally' cut myself while cooking, o—or to force myself out of the shower before something goes terribly wrong." I cut myself off as I broke down, trembling as I cried into his chest. If i didn't stop blabbering on I would've revealed everything, and honestly, I would much rather start crying before I told a living soul what I decided to do to not only cope with Nicole's death but to make quick and easy money. The only up side was that I gained a lot of money.

"You've fought it, you've been able to beat the darkness so far, don't give in." He whispered and I swear I've ever cried harder before, hating myself even more than I thought possible. Austin just held me, quietly humming as I cried. When I tried to calm myself down, focus on something else besides the anger and pain in my heart, I decided I'd focus on Austin. My forehead and nose were pressed against his chest, and through that I could hear his heartbeat, steady and strong. Despite everything that's happened to him, despite having to do surgeries and dealing with his own problems, his heart beat was still strong. I closed my eyes, listening to his heartbeat and what he was humming. He was humming one of his songs, Identity Disorder.

I focused on how his muscles shifted under my hands, how his heartbeat pounded and how his body vibrated as he hummed. I breathed in his scent, trying to even my own frazzled heart as he hummed. After I calmed down I kept holding him, eyes closed as I relaxed as much as I could.

"Austin." I whispered, slightly pulling away. He looked at me, an eyebrow raised as he stared at me.

"I need a phone number." I said and his brows furrowed.

"You're not planning on anything stupid are you?" He asked and I felt my heart grow warm at his concern.

"No. I met Brendon and he told me he'd give me his number, but forgot." I said and Austin relaxed, nodding and pulling out his phone.

"Alright, you ready?" He said and I pulled out my phone, opening contacts and clicking add new. He read out the number and I typed it in, saving it under Brendon Urie and putting my phone away.

"You doing anything today?" He asked and I resisted cringing. My plan had been to go and take a nice long bath, battle with my thoughts and get out, possibly break something and feel slightly better.

"No." I said,throat closing again slightly.

"How about you clean up and I take us somewhere? Like to an amusement park or a mall." He said and I smiled slightly, pulling my phone back out to send a text message to Josh, letting him know Austin and I were going to hang out. I even included some bullshit about Austin trying to comfort me and tell me it wasn't Oli's fault. I stood up, wiping my eyes with the bottom of my shirt.

"Alright, give me a moment." I said, turning and walking away. I entered the bathroom, grabbing toilet paper and wiping my eyes. I cleaned up my face and stared at myself in the mirror. My phone buzzed once, twice, thrice, and then was silent. I looked down at it and saw that it was Josh. I opened his text and blinked. The first message was okaying what I told him, but the other two were from Nicole. I smiled broadly, happy that she was sending me messages, and I put my phone down, staring at myself in the mirror again.

I looked like a ghost that decide to become a ghoul. Sunken in eyes with purple bags underneath, my skin starting to take on a sickly pale color. I frowned but didn't say anything, grabbing my phone and sticking it in my pocket as I left the bathroom.

"Alright, let's go." I said as I walked out into the living room. Austin was standing,putting his phone away as he pulled out his car keys. I followed him to his car, heart seeming to gallop a little quicker than usual. I entered his car and realized.

Today was going to be a normal day, with a normal friend. I was going to have fun.

'Or get hurt trying.'

** I hope you guys liked the chapter. I have been doing somewhat better since the whole situation that I explained with the Author's Note. I'm sorry if one of you guys are currently mad at the situation that everybody is lying about Nicole. So one of my very close friends just went to London for about 5 days. Luckily she promised me she will be buying me Rock Sound and Kerrang! I'm so happy cause living in Italy they don't sell it here -_- But in just a few days I will be able to read some beautiful magazines. Feel free to give me any kind of advice **