anomalies and lies

Death of Colors

She walked through the lonely hallways, her hand tracing the walls, cleaning off the dust in a single line. Everything was gray, even the air. It felt heavy, like a thunder cloud. There was no sunlight, just a gray kind of not-exactly-light. Even her own skin looked gray. Her hair, her clothes, her eyes, her brain that produced gray thoughts. She couldn't remember the last time she saw color, thought in color. It was like being dead. She didn't even breathe anymore. Or did much of anything, really, other than wander aimlessly, endlessly. It gets tiring, after a while. So she leans against the wall, closes her eyes, becomes one with the wall, the lingering feeling of longing for something she long ago forgot fading to nothing.

Flashing lights. Red. White. Shiny steel. Constant shouting voices, and maybe someone crying. Everything swirls around, upside down and horizontal. A mess.

Green. Emerald green. Forest green. Pale green. Mint green. Gray green. Dark green. Olive green. Pine green. Sea green. Pistachio green. The green trees reflect in the lake, tainting it the same color a few shades muter, and paint the sky with pale shadows of the green it has left. She'd never seen so much green in her life. It feels alive somehow. She walks deeper into the forest until it swallows her whole.

Tunnel vision with black at the corners. She can't breathe and her heart is not beating. A mask on her face, trying to force her lungs into sucking air but it's useless. Metal paddles trying to shock her heart into action but it's futile.

This is what the beauty of youth looks like, people usually think. The rowdy shouting of students after the last bell. The deafening blast of pop music at frat parties. Obnoxious laughter and overdramatic recollections of relationships. The flurry of color and sound and feeling and life. She falls into it and the sheer capacity of it all overwhelms her until she can't tell if she exists or not.

There's blood and noise, so much noise. Sterile white and mint green and stainless steel. The overpowering stench of antiseptic. There is no pain. There is not much of anything as it slowly fades away. Eyes close, eyelids flutter, pupils no longer take in light. And everything is quiet and colorless.