Breaking Val

Prologue

Prologue

So here it goes, it is my time now. After all that's happened I have finally reached it; the end - no MY end. I never intended to give up this easy, for I know that life itself is the most valuable thing. Although, my life has gone to ruins, turned into shambles. I cannot deal with the daily feeling of just exploding, as I already am although I keep those bombs inside me. Nobody knows. Finally I have reached my breaking point. Should I be feeling something more than this want with these thoughts to myself? I should, but I do not. This is why it is my time. The ruins and that overwhelming feeling of drowning, of nothingness that have consumed my body, my soul even to the fullest. This is me giving up. This finally will be my goodbye.

My name is Valerie Michelle Parker. This is my suicide note, I apologize for me not having it intended for a certain person. Realistically though, life is a game; the first one to figure that out is the one who wins. In this particular case the first one to give up is the winner. That winner is me. So if you are the winner to find this and me, congratulations in a way, you will be the first to know that my suffering has finally ended, even though it may be the beginning of suffering for a few of you. So here goes nothing. It is now official, Valerie has given up, she, I, am done. I am undoubtedly sure you will have no understanding of why I have chosen this, but that can not be blamed on me, for you see, you never asked. Nobody was there to try and help me through it, nobody saw all the signs I desperately was conveying. Very well that could be my fault for screaming on the inside rather than out loud so you could here it, but I did try and I have absolutely no doubt in that.

Mom, I tried. I'm sorry that that little girl I was grew up into this depressed, unsettled, bitter woman. I love you with all thats left of my heart but I can't do this any more, I have tried, for so long now, I have asked for your attention. So my question, is why? Why were you too busy to talk to, to help your only god damn daughter? It isn't that this is your fault, or that it has anything to do with you. It just rips out my heart to know that you weren't even paying a slight amount of attention to me or what I was going through. I love you, but I beg that you start looking at people other than just yourself. I'm sorry mom, goodbye.

Daddy, I don't know where you are. I have missed you, and I love you so much, and I solely wish you could have been around. I apologize that I can not say more to you then the facts of me being sorry, missing you, and loving you. Although I know for certain that after this you will notice me. You will give a damn about your daughter now.

Hanna, Joel and Amy, I love you guys, and you are the people who got me this far. So please feel some congratulations, because you three always knew this was coming. We have had our adventures, our fun, or losses, all of these together. You three please know, you are not the reason, I just can't help my mind anymore. I love you guys. It was us against the world and now you three can continue that.

To whoever the winner is reading this first, a million sorries have been said, but the fact of this matter is one thing, life. Life is something I can no longer handle and I refuse to handle it any longer, I am done, finished, about to win my own race against time. My time, my life, is in my control. This is me taking advantage of what I desire, my end. So as has been said I am sorry, but my time is now.

Goodbye to you all, the love thats left goes out to each one of you. I am finally in control, and know that after this I will have found happiness. I never intended it to be this way, end for me in this manner. It is just that this is now my only option. This is the conclusion to my life.
Goodbye.

Valerie,

I am ready now, I have too many scars, slitting these wrists of mine would be like any other person. Instead I feel almost lucky to have thought of the idea of hanging, but not with a rope, with that rusty old chain I stole from the warehouse. It feels as if I have a delicate gold chain around my neck. My note on the desk, I am now standing on the chair, here goes nothing. Then again goodbye to everything. No more pain.

Or so I thought.