In The End It Didn't Matter (ON HOLD)

In The End It Didn't Matter [11]

Daniel's POV *present*

I sat in front of the grave, placing a few lillies in front of it. Lillies were her favourite flower.

It wasn't her real grave. It was just a grave with no writing. I didn't know why it was there, but I would always come and pretend she was here. She wasn't, but I liked to think she was.

"Hello Sarah," I whispered, smiling faintly. "Happy birthday sweetheart. You would be 23 today." Silence filled my ears, like I knew it would. I imagined her talking, her voice like music to my ears.

"I miss you every day, I hope you know that. Not one day goes by when I don't think of you. I wish you were here, Sarah. I love you. I love you so much."

Tears welled up in my eyes and I let them spill over, getting rid of all my emotions. I just sat there, crying in front of a blank gravestone, thinking of that night; the last night I saw her.

Daniel's POV *past*

"You're a coward, Daniel!" she yelled.

I turned to glare at her. "This is your fault! Why didn't you tell me sooner?" I growled.

"Because I knew you'd react like this!" she shot back in a hard voice. "There's nothing you can do. I'm keeping this baby and it's going to have its dad!"

I buried my face in my hands, sighing. "No, Sarah. I can't do it."

"I can't do this alone. Please," she begged, her voice just a whisper. I felt my expression soften when I saw her face. Tears were crawling down her cheeks.

"Sarah, it's just too much. I can't handle this right now."

"You?! What about me? I'm the one who's pregnant!"

I shook my head. "No. I can't be a father."

"No wait!" she cried as I turned towards the door. "What am I going to say to my parents? I need you, Daniel! I can't have the baby alone..."

"Then get an abortion," I sneered, my fingers curling around the door handle. I'd had enough of Sarah. She was stupid not to tell me sooner. Everything would've been fine if this hadn't happened. I loved Sarah, she would always been my true love. But I could never be a father... not then, not now.

"How could you say that?!" she shouted, grabbing my arm. I shook her off easily. "Don't you dare leave, Daniel."

"Try and stop me," I grunted, yanking the door open.

She reached out and snatched my arm, pulling me back forcefully. Her fingernails dug into my skin and I hissed in pain, shoving her away with more strength needed. She stumbled back and toppled over, except she didn't just fall down; she fell down the stairs.

"Sarah!" I cried as she fell with a thud!

I hurried down the stairs and gasped as blood seeped from a wound on her forehead. I shook her body, sobbing her name, but her body was limp, lifeless. So were her glassy eyes, which looked up to ceiling. She wasn't breathing.

I rang the ambulance and then fled before the cops could get me.

I packed my bags and took the next flight to England, dragging James along with me. His family had kicked him out and he'd been staying with me. He didn't want to come, but I persuaded him to. I told him there was nothing there for us, nothing keeping us there anymore. The truth was, I didn't want to go alone.

Days later, I found out Sarah had died, along with the baby. I wasn't shocked. I knew it all along, but I just couldn't accept it. But when her death was confirmed, I knew I had to.

I had killed Sarah, the love of my life. I had killed my baby.

Her death would always be on my conscience.

***

Still Daniel's POV *present*

I kissed her picture softly, a tear escaping my eyes. After everything I had said to her, I knew deep down I never would have left her by herself. I never would have let her raise the baby on her own; I would've been the best father I could ever be.

Sometimes I picture an image in my mind, an image of us as a family. Me, Sarah and a little girl. I never knew the gender of the baby, but I liked to think it was a girl. And she would be gorgeous, just like Sarah is... was.

It hurt so much to use past tense.

When Sophie had called me a coward, it brought all those memories back. Somehow, she knew all the right things to say.

She called me a failure, and I was. I failed everyone. Sarah, the baby, her family, my family...

She said my parents would be disappointed in me. They were. It was obvious I had pushed her down the stairs. That's why they never tried to contact me. They didn't want to know, and they didn't care. I was just a faded memory to them.

Sarah was probably watching down on me, disgusted with what I was doing. She should never have loved me. I'm bad news.

There's nothing in the world for me. That's why I do what I do, because I don't care. I enjoy their pain. Their pain distracts me from my pain.

Even James doesn't care about me. We used to be like brothers, always looking out for each other. Now it's like we're enemies. We argue over anything and everything. Sometimes I worry one day he just won't come home. I worry he'll just leave me, desert me, forget about me like everyone else has.

Sometimes, I feel like pulling the trigger and ending my life altogether... because really, what do I have to live for?

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This story's on hold. I won't be updating as often (as you've already seen) but I won't stop all together. This very short chapter is to show you Daniel's story :)