Ghost Bird Fanfiction: Sang's Lyric, The Story of Sang Sorenson's Mother

One Month

"I honest to God don't understand why everyone hasn't moved south," I said as I followed Kell outside and watched him lock the door to the condo behind us. "Check your phone, Kell. What's the temperature in Bangor?" 


"Bangor was six hours away from us, Priya," he smiled at me, reaching for my hand and pulling my arm over his.

"Doesn't matter," I said. "What is it?" 


Kell pulled his phone out, smiling down at the screen. "Thirty degrees," he said.

"Thirty degrees!" I scoffed, shaking my head. "I don't even need a jacket here! And it's almost Christmas!"

"I know, Priya," he said indulgently, "but you should still bring one. It gets cool at night." 


"To you warm-blooded creatures," I argued. "But for me? The girl who has been freezing in the woods of Maine for sixteen years? I'm just fine."

Kell walked around the passenger side door of the car and opened it for me. "So you're sure you're okay with me just dropping you off today?" 


I nodded, waiting for him to get in the driver's seat before I began speaking again. "I'll be okay. Dr. Grace is meeting me outside the building and said she'd even bring me home if I needed someone."


Kell nodded tightly, but I could tell by the lines around his eyes that he was worried. The lines were new. The tightness was new. All my boys had a weariness and an anxiety about them that they hadn't been before my... Before I was...

I turned my face out the window and watched the houses blur.

Before I was raped.

There.

I thought it.

Dr. Grace would be proud of me.

She was helping me stay in the moment and not lose myself when I became overwhelmed by what had happened. She was keeping me in the present, engaging me. She wouldn't let me be the Lyric-shell I had been when I arrived in South Carolina. She had a name for it: fugue state. It sounded lovely and musical. And it had served a purpose; my mind protected itself against what Garret had done to me.

I began tapping my fingers on each of my knees and moved my gaze; switching between one finger and the other, tracking the movement. I felt the anxiety building up in my body start to dissipate and I looked over at Kell. He was watching my hands and lifted his eyes to mine when they stopped tapping.

He reached over and grabbed my hand, lacing my fingers with his and bringing the back of my hand to his mouth and kissing it.

"I love you," he said, his eyes dark and sad.

"I love you too," I answered, feeling sad that he was sad.

"So who are you following today?" I asked, changing the subject and hoping to take his mind off of me.

Kell gave me a knowing smile; I should have known I couldn't fool him.

"I'm with Dr. Roberts today as he does rounds at the hospital for the morning. We'll be in the pediatric intensive care unit, and then I'll spend the afternoon with Dr. Wolff in the psychiatric unit," he answered.

Kell had decided he was going to be a doctor, and I was so so proud of him. He had felt helpless when I'd retreated so far into myself that days would go by with no memory of them, or I'd find myself outside the house without having decided to leave my bed. Our family had been wrapped up tightly by the Academy. Constance had moved us into a large condominium and had stayed with us for weeks. Dr. Roberts had overseen my care, finding the best doctors and psychiatrists to help me.

And I was getting better. I was using the CBT, cognitive behavior therapy, techniques that Dr. Grace had taught me. But today was my first day on my own, without one of the guys waiting for me in the waiting room, and then spending the day with me at home. James was working on a computer issue for the Academy and Taylor was... working out.

I took my phone out of my pocket and tapped away at it, checking my messages for the tenth time since waking up this morning to see if he had sent me anything.

"Is..." I cleared my throat and started again, "Do you think Taylor is avoiding me?"

I looked over at Kell, keeping my eyes trained on his face as much as I wanted to look away from him. Dr. Grace told me I needed to voice my concerns, my fears. Otherwise they would add to my anxiety, and make me worse. The guys didn't need me worse. They needed me better. They needed me to take care of them and to be less exhausted because I could see the toll I had taken on them.

"No," Kell answered quietly, after I saw the muscle tick in his jaw. "I don't think he's avoiding you. Not on purpose. I just think he's dealing with things poorly."


"He won't come to the Dr. Grace's with me," I told him quietly. "I asked him, you know. She thought it might help."


"The Academy has us meet periodically with psychiatrists, and it is required that we receive mental health support after a traumatic event," Kell explained.

"But Taylor hasn't," I finished.

"No," Kell replied. "He has not. But we are watching him. And Constance is with him."


I couldn't help the blip of jealous that appeared on my radar when Kell told me that. Constance had recruited Taylor from Texas. I knew that, and she was from there as well, so they had a relationship and a bond that was important. I understood that. And I knew she was really just trying to keep an eye on him, make sure he was safe and not getting into fights...

But I wanted to help him. I wanted to be the one who kept him safe. How could I keep him safe, though? I couldn't keep myself safe. I felt the anxiety bubble and started tapping my knees again and looking from finger to finger.

"We're here," Kell said, and I realized the car had stopped.

I looked up at him panicked, worried I'd lost time again.

He shook his head. "I was pulling into the space when you started tapping," he said. "Barely a few seconds have passed."

I let out a breath, and leaned across the seat. "Thank you," I said, looking into his eyes.

"I understand," Kell answered. "I won't let you disappear, Lyric."


I gave him a smile and he leaned forward, kissing me gently on the forehead. When I moved my face to reach his lips, he'd already moved back. It reminded me of something else I'd wanted to talk to Dr. Grace about today. I sighed, today's session was going to be packed full of issues.

I saw the door open and Dr. Grace's blonde head peaked out. She gave me a wave, gesturing for me to come in.

"Love you," I said to Kell as I put my hand on the door.

"I love you too," he answered.

I jumped out of the car and walked quickly across the parking lot.

"Hi Lyric," she said to me as I approached.

"Hello Dr. Grace," I answered, turning around and waving at Kell. I stood for a moment watching him drive away before I turned back to the doctor that would help me get my life and my family back on track.

"You look like you have a lot to say," she said, raising one perfectly arched brow.

I nodded, my finger lifting to my lips. "I think so," I answered.

"Well," she said, pushing the door open wider and standing back so I could pass by her. "Let's get to work."