Things Better Left Unsaid (Snape love story)

Chapter Twenty Nine: After All These Years

From now on, I'll keep myself in order. I won't let this get the best of me.

I sighed heavily and opened my eyes. However, as my eyes adjusted and I took in my surroundings yet again, I noticed something looming in the corner of my eye, just beyond my vision.

Startled, I whipped my head towards it, freezing.

Snape. He was there, standing there just beyond his desk, glaring at me with a look of confusion and wistful anger. I felt almost as if I had slipped into a daze while my eyes were closed, that perhaps I was still standing, eyes tightly shut, still sifting through my old memories.

But it felt too real to be a fantasy. Like a lucid dream; obviously unreal, but not quite so. I felt like I hadn't seen Snape in a decade. He looked just the same, but I felt like I didn't. I felt like an entirely new person-- and I was, I suppose. I was an adult now, something I only wished I could be back when we were together. I swallowed hard. "Hello." I said, my voice quiet with prolonged speaking. It was such a stupidly ordinary thing to say, especially considering the things that happened between us.

After a seconds pause, he spoke. "Hello."

I was surprised that he replied with a simple greeting. I had half expected him to yell or interrogate me. His voice was seemingly neutral, though there was an underlying stress thy gave away recent events. I couldn't help but feel like I knew so much about what was happening, things no one else was aware of. I suppose now that Dumbledore is gone, I was the only other person that knew.

I parted my lips to say something else, just so speak. If I filled the air between us with words, perhaps he wouldn't leave or vanish. However, he spoke before I could.

"You look different."

His voice wasn't soft and alluring in any way, but it wasn't cold and emotionless, either. It was almost longing. I was taken aback by both his words, and his desire to comment on my appearance.

Shit, that meant he had been looking at me. How long had he been standing there while my eyes were closed? I must have looks like a complete idiot standing there, eyes shut for no apparent reason.

I got my thoughts quickly into order. "I feel different." I laughed nervously, shrugging my shoulders. Lets face it-- I was different. I wasn't a child anymore, and as much as I still wanted to be, I couldn't reverse that.

This was all so unexpected and baffling, I wasn't sure what to make of it. Snape had never talked to me in this way before; like an equal, or an old friend. We didn't exactly leave off on good terms, after all. I didn't even think he would want to have a normal conversation with me before we stole seeing each other, much less now.

I felt obliged to make conversation. "Being an adult isn't all the glitz and glam I thought it would be." And it really wasn't. I thought it would be freedom and the ability to use magic outside of Hogwarts-- the ultimate adventure. However, it wasn't at all that. It was responsibilities and upkeep, taxes and a whole new version of trapped. It was like I couldn't get out from under the shoe of life no matter how hard I wriggled, and no matter how long I waited. There always seemed to be something looming over my shoulder, keeping me in check.

Snape shook his head, crossing his arms in front of his chest. "No. It never is."

I gave him a puzzled look. "Why are you here?" I pressed. "I mean, aren't you suppose to be with... You know?"

He narrowed his eyes. "This is my office." He stated, as if I were an idiot.

I shook my head. "This is a war-- why are you here, of all places?"