Spectrum [girlxgirl diary]

15th October 2015

So a friend was talking about some guy literally grabbing his girlfriend's head with both hands and then snogging, not all casual and romantic, just straight in there and smashing they faces together. So she was saying how they they were doing it completely wrong and 'Lacey' partially demonstrated this by putting her hands either side of my head and slightly in front, but not touching me acted out what they did and we she looked me in the eyes and I, hers and I knew that obviously we weren't just going to kiss but the thought was still there and I've never so much wanted to try a relationship with a girl, especially the one I really like.
Then the other friend was talking about this couple who were literally clinging to each other at break. So obviously she also demonstrated and just literally grabbed me and was hugging me tightly around the shoulders. I kinda needed a hug because today I had been feeling really bad mentally and yeah it was more of a squeeze, but the arms wrapped around me made me feel safe and at least slightly wanted. I tried to play it cool by pulling a confused/ scared face and briefly looking at her, if I looked too happy or casual it might seem quite suspicious. In fact earlier another one of my female friends rested her head on my shoulder and it made me feel like they were so comfortable with me around.

But then 'Lacey' gets excited over a text (from a guy 😉) and the friend sitting next to her blurts out that she's going out with a popular rugby guy on Friday who she already knew about from him. But then 'Lacey' and the other two mentioned friends start saying how he's really hot. Needless to say, my spirits were dampened.