Speak [ phan ]

chapter nineteen

Dan way he in horror as his front door opens and Phil steps inside. Dan runs over and locks his door, leaning against it on the floor, just in case. He hears footsteps, and then a knock at his own door.

"Dan, I know you're in there and I'm not leaving until I speak to you," Phil says, knocking on the door, the handle rattling as he tries to open it, "damn it Dan, please, just let me explain!"

Dan ignores Phil, not moving an inch. He doesn't want to trust Phil again, only to get hurt. Dan wants Phil to show Dan that he deserves their friendship and Dan's trust back. Because in Dan's world: actions speak louder than words.

After half an hour, Phil finally sighs in defeat, bending down on the other side of the door.

"Look Dan, I know you can hear me, and I know you're there. I don't expect you to forgive me, but I just want you to know I'm sorry, and I was a huge asshole," Phil says softly, his voice seeping straight through the door and right into Dan's heart.

Dan curls into a ball, resting his forehead on his knees, biting his tongue as he hears Phil walk away down the stairs. When he hears his front door click shut, that's when Dan finally breaks, sobs racking his body.

All Dan wants to do is hug Phil, but it's taking everything he had not to even pick up his phone and text him. It's been around a day, and Dan misses Phil like crazy - he wants his best friend back.

Dan finally opens his door, walking out and sitting on the lounge, turning on the TV, hoping his mother, who's currently in the kitchen, won't bother him about Phil. She does though.

"Why didn't you answer the door to Phil?" she asks, raising her eyebrows at her son, who's moping on the couch, "did you two fight? Phil seemed to really want to apologise."

Dan shrugs in response, keeping his eyes trained on the TV, even though he had zero interest in the show playing anyway.

"Let me guess, it's complicated?" Dan's mum says, walking over and hugging onto her son from behind, "I'm going out to grab some shopping for dinner, be back soon. Look after Quinn."

She gives Dan a quick kiss on the cheek, and Dan gives her a half hug before she ruffles his hair and walks out the door, shutting and locking it behind her. Dan sighs, turning back and he starts to channel surf, which annoys Quinn when he tries to watch TV with Dan.

"Just keep it on one show!" Quinn exclaims angrily as Dan flicks to yet another show half way through another, "it's so annoying!"

Dan rolls his eyes, throwing his brother the TV remote, and he leans back, pulling out his phone and scrolling through tumblr as Quinn settles on a random cartoon to watch. After Dan realises it's been an hour, he frowns, getting up and looking out the window.

His mum should've been back by now, the shops are only like, a fifteen minute drive. Dan drops the curtain back, deciding not to worry too much yet. Dan decides to watch TV now, seeing as Quinn has switched on a movie. Dan tries to make himself relax by focusing on the movie, but when it finishes and his mother still isn't back Dan knows that something is wrong.

He doesn't want to alarm Quinn so he sends a text to her phone whilst Quinn puts the DVD away.

Dan: where are you?

But the text remains unread. His calls remain unanswered. Dan runs a hand through his hair, really stressing now. He doesn't know what to do, who can he call, what would be the point? He couldn't speak anyway. Dan is worried now, beyond worried actually, he feels his heart racing and his mind starts going into overdrive, imagining all the worst possible scenarios.

Finally, another whole hour later, there's a knock at he door, and Dan breathes a sigh of relief. He races over and opens the door, the smile dropping off his face when he sees two police officers with grim faces.

"Dan Howell?" One asks, and Dan nods in response, "can we come in?"

Dan nods again. He doesn't get how that was a question - they're police officers, even if Dan said they couldn't come in, they would've eventually anyway. Dan shuts the door behind them grabs Quinn on the way and follows them into the dining room, siting opposite them, a confused Quinn by his side.

"Do you have any relatives close by? A father?" Officer asks gently.

Dan shakes his head. He just wants to know what's going on, why there are two police officers in his house. The other officer speaks this time.

"I'm officer Clark, and that's officer Reece," officer Clark says.

Dan pulls out his phone and types out a note, showing it to the police officer.

"I know that you want to know what's happened, and we will tell you, but first-" she starts before Dan slams a fist on the table, demanding to be told.

"There's been an accident," Officer Clark says, her expression sorry an pitiful.

Dan's heart stops, and he sees Quinn beside him start to shake slightly - they both know what's coming next. Please no, Dan begs in his mind, please no, not now.

"There was a car accident - one went straight off the bridge. Your mother, I'm so sorry but, she didn't make it."

Quinn starts sobbing, hugging onto Dan, who wraps an arm around him. But Dan is too shocked to cry, he just stares at a space on the wall, unsure what to feel now. He's confused - why isn't grief ripping him apart right now? But then, Dan understands. He's finally been broken and torn past his limit, he feels his whole world shatter to pieces, and now everything inside him is gone.

He's finally just a broken, empty shell of a human being.

**********

an// heyo hope you enjoyed! Thanks so much for reading. I'm not sure how much longer this book has to go, and I'm not sure if I should write a sequel or not, we'll see...

Please vote, comment and share! Thanks heaps for reading. update should be within the week. :D

p.s: who has heard talk me down by Troye? MAJSINSUE IT'S SOOO FUCKING GOOD.

p.p.s: Joe and Caspar are coming to Australia but not coming to where I live. and Troye is touring Australia BUT NOT COMING WHERE I LIVE EITHER!!!! they're all such little shits.