Hiraeth

4. Joshua

I picked up a picture that rested on our mantle. Five smiling faces greeted me and it warmed my heart.

It was us, taken when Kaitlyn was born. My parents were smiling down on their bright new addition. Josh was holding me in his arms with the biggest, goofy grin you'd ever see. We were happy.

But so much had changed since this picture was taken 5 years ago, it's weird to look at these smiling faces and imagine what life was like before all these complications came up.

Josh was one of the earliest shifters this pack had seen. At 8 years old, his wolf was larger than many of the members of the pack.

He became the our gamma at 14. I think that's when I lost the brother I'd grown up with.

I rubbed my eyes hard to stop the tears before they came. I hated reminiscing when there's no way to get back. But I was tired and couldn't sleep, so I sat here and kept staring at this freaking picture.

They made him harden himself. He was forced to fight stronger wolves day after day so he could get stronger and focus more on himself then those around him. When they decided he needed to toughen up to be their gamma, he went on a retreat, away from us.

By the time he got back he was 215 pounds of steel. He would snap at my parents, shove me when I was in his way or yell at Kaitlyn until she cried.

And eventually my dad talked some sense into him and he started opening up again. And then when he got back from his second retreat, he seemed softer.

I started getting my brother back because Addison is his mate.

It hit me like a ton of bricks.

My brother was relaxing on the couch that night waiting for us to come home. I forgot to tell Addie he was over.

The bond happened then when they were alone and ever since then he's been trying to play nice. Addie's heart of sunshine was taking apart the Alpha's perfect little warrior.

I heard someone coming down the hall, so I quickly put the picture back and sat on the couch.

Kaitlyn's little body came around the corner, one hand holding her blanket and the other twirling her hair. She smiled when she saw I was up and came to sit with me.

"Hey KitKat, whatcha doing up?" I held her and ran my fingers through her hair. She rested her head on my shoulder and I found myself praying she never grows up and gets thrown into the disparity of this world.

"Tom woke me up and said I have to go meet with everyone else by the willow tree." The air left my lungs and I stared at her blank face.

"Who's Tom?" My arms squeezed her tighter.

Count me out of this paranormal activity shit now.

"He's my friend. He's invisible and we play together because no one at school wants to be friends with me." Imaginary friends. That's all.

"Well, you're gonna have to play with Tom another day, okay? It's late and it's not safe for little girls to be wandering around at night." I picked her up and started carrying her to her room.

"But Carri! Tom is an Alpha, he'll keep me safe." I patted her back and set her back in her room. She made a grumpy face at me and then snuggled down. I waited until she was asleep to head back to the main room. I walked in and found Josh staring at that picture I just held in my hand.

"I want to make her happy Carri. She's changing me so quickly. I feel like I'm moving back in time. I'm trying so hard to fight against her but I can't." The picture fell from his hands.

"This isn't me!" He held his arms out exaggerating himself. He sighed heavily and ran a hand through his hair.

"Look at us there. Look how happy we were, how happy I was. I never wanted to be Gamma, I never wanted to shift, I never wanted to hurt anyone." His body fell to the couch and he pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Addie deserves him. Not the hard headed, scary jackass they've made me into." His voice was sad and hard. One look at his face and you could see him fighting with himself. I walked over and placed my hand on his shoulder.

"You're not the failure you think you are Josh. And after all that training, think about how much better you could protect Addie if something were to happen to her." Before I could finish he let out a low growl to the idea of someone hurting her. I rolled my eyes at him and he smiled at me.

"Do you remember that time at the lake when you were 7 and all your underwear went missing?" I turned to him with a questioning stare and watched him try to keep a pokerface.

"I buried them in the mud pit that night because you ate my chocolate pudding." My mouth fell open and he burst into laughter.

I might have punched him 30 times while he sat there laughing at my face.