Beautiful Things - Solangelo

2. Well, shit

(Nico's pov)

No, no, no, no, no.
No!

From all godam humans, from every idiot, every cute blond guy, every freaking piece of living shit on this planet Will Solace, my childhood best friend Will Solace, has to be the new guy at my school.

I mean, it could have been so easy!
A cute new boy.
A nice little flirt.
Just as usual.
Just like I'm always doing it since we moved here.

But no it had to be him.

Why?

He lived on the dam other side of this continent!
He shouldn't be here!

Who just decides to move from Maine to California?
(Okay, probably many people, but why him?)

I was happy here.
Maybe not happy, but at least I don't have the constant wish to kill myself in the most painful way I can think of anymore.

After my father decided to leave Maine it was horrible for me.
I had just figured out that I had a crush on my best friend (*surprise* that's Will) and I didn't knew what to do and I was so confused and I didn't know who to talk to.

And just when I decided to talk to my older sister, because she wouldn't hate me and she would still accept me, because of some family trouble no one ever explained to me, one of my uncles killed her and my mom and me and my father left our home far behind us.

I lost everyone I trusted, everyone I loved in just one night and this was the time my father started to get very... angry.
At first just at his brother, later on the whole world and me.
But I was the only person around him, so I got all the anger.

My new school was horrible.
I didn't find any friends and even I told no one after a while everyone knew that I was gay and from this day it was like eight hours with homophobic piranhas.

My father didn't cared at all but after four years we had to move again for something at his work and I decided that things would be different this time.

And they are, holy shit, they really are.
Because I understood something.
It's not about what you think of yourself, not about your feelings or self worth.
It's just about what people think about all of these.

When you act like you would be absolutely in love with yourself and wouldn't give a shit, even that's not the truth, people will treat you like this.
And even if you're not attractive, pretend that you feel like you are, and everyone will see you in this way.

I'm not interested enough in psychology to explain this, but it worked for me.

But Will...
Of course I never blamed him for anything, it wasn't his fault that we didn't keep in touch - I mean, it kind of was though, but it's understandable, whatever. I missed him so bad for so many years, and now, just when I was about to forget all the things that happened and go on with the life I built up he just crashes in here.

I could just hope that he won't remember me and we're just gonna ignore each other, but let's be honest - I had way to much luck these days. I guess that came to an end now.

He's going to hate me. I mean, just now in the last lesson he obviously did like me, but it wasn't me, it was a guy everyone here wants. The guy is a complete asshole and could get even a straight boy in bed with him. Not that I wanted though.
Again, it's enough to act as if.
But anyway, this boy isn't me, it never was, it's just someone I use, so I can use other people. So probably I am this boy now - or at least an ass.
That's another funny thing - make people think you are a self addicted dick and they will love you, what in the end makes you a self addicted dick. The circle of life.
I actually wrote this in an exam once, not necessary to say that my teachers don't like me that much. Not that it would matter.

Will matters. And that's the problem. I don't want to become who I was again, but with him around I might...
So basically I just have to keep him away from me - great plan.
Because I'm totally gonna stay away from him. Sure.
And he is totally going to ignore me. Yes.

The school bell rings. Math.
I'm gonna skip that. I think Percy is free in this hour.