A Test of Courage (A Free! - Iwatobi Swim Club FanFiction)

Eight ~ Lost In A Disguise

The figure before me is someone I'm extremely familiar with, someone I've seen my whole life. But I feel like I know nothing about said figure.

She has the same looks, the same frame, the same forced smile and occasional fidget of the hands, all things we both share. But I can't help feeling that we're disconnected from each other, separated by an impassable wall.

Every time I reach out to her, she does as well; but our fingers never meet, blocked by the cold, reflective surface between us.

Why do I feel so lonely when I look at this person? Like I've lost a big part of myself that I'm unable to retain...

She smiles back at me, equally as sadly as I do to her. Will we ever be whole again? I'm not even sure of the part of me that's missing, but I know I'll never be complete until I find it.

I carefully lay my forehead against the surface, she mimics me. We're "touching", but all I can feel is the sheet of glass against my skin.

A suppressed sigh escapes it's hold as my eyes slip shut. When did I go so far as to lose a part of myself, I wonder?

How had I not noticed until now?

Leaning back, my eyes fluttered open to the sight of a straining smile in front of me. It was all-too-familiar, yet completely alien at the same time.

It didn't belong on her face, but it was the only thing she had to hide herself behind. With this smile, people didn't worry or ask questions, they just accepted the lie and moved on.

Others will always ask you "what's wrong?" or "are you okay?" but none of them actually want to hear the truth, the expected answer to give is "nothing's wrong" and "I'm okay". When they're actually presented with the problem, they have no idea how to deal with it or what to say next, which in turn puts a strain on the conversation.

I'm very familiar with how the rules work...So keeping this smile up is the best way to avoid such situations.

But I can't help the underlying fear that wells up within me every time I see such a foreign smile on the girl's strikingly similar features before me.

I feel the more I see that lying expression, the more I'm losing myself. But how do I stop it? It's become such a habit...almost a defense mechanism. I know I can always fall back on it to get me out of tight situations.

But do I really want to keep running away..?

Isn't the path I'm on just leading me further and further down that dark, endless tunnel?

Though I'm not sure if I can even turn around at this point...I don't know how to. The suffocating walls are unbearably tight around me, even the smallest of moves is a great struggle.

I think I'm lost, doctor...there's no way out for me anymore.

...I've already accepted the inevitable.

My gaze snapped away from the mirror as my body spun in reaction to a loud bang coming from the other room. What on earth was that? Is someone breaking in?

Ever so cautiously, I crawled my way towards the bathroom door, taking a quick peek into the conjoined room.

In the boys room sat someone dripping wet and heaving heavily, his hair soaked and clinging to his forehead, shielding the pain in his eyes from my sight.

My stomach dropped to the floor when I realised who it was, my legs immediately reacting to the situation and carrying me forward of their own accord.

"Nanase!"

. . .

The feeling of salt laden water was always such a different experience to that of a pool. It was more wild and aggressive, it's sadistic nature always testing you at every chance it got. Whereas pools were calm and docile, tamed by the human touch to flow with them, and not against.