Secrets Can Kill {Charlie Weasley}

nine - of confessions and heartbreak

hey, so I'm back again with another update :) I am sooo relieved because I've had all these tests this week and after this I just have a small English thing to learn and I get to go to my sisters and I'm very excited because no tests! (until next week but lets not be pessimistic)

anyways, thanks to whoever made the gif on the side and here's the chapter :)

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I am caught in a bundle of lies and I can't see my way through. It's like walking into mist: I continue walking but I have no clue where I'm going and I know it's not safe. I have a friend, a good friend whom I am madly in love with, who doesn't know the truth. Who doesn't know my biggest secret.

"Talia, are you okay?" Charlie suddenly asks as he looks at me with great concern. I nod my head slowly, looking to him but still not being able to replace the glum look on my face with a smile. I know it just looks like I lied about being okay, and I am lying, but I really don't know what to do any more.

If I tell Charlie, he's going to hate me. If I don't tell Charlie, he's probably never going to find out and not hate me. That had been my first outlook on the whole ordeal. Then slowly, as I begin to grow closer and closer to my favourite ginger haired boy, I started to realise something else.

He may not hate me but the guilt inside of me leads to me hating myself. And I know relationships aren't supposed to be built on lies. But I seem to have found myself in a giant pile of them, with Charlie looking up at me with a grin.

I don't know what to do. I've already lied to everyone, all of his family. Not only Charlie's family, Fred's family as well. And it was killing me.

How was I even supposed to get out of this? Was I supposed to continue to lie? Add to that pile, add to the quickly growing pile of guilt next to the pile of lies.

My mind is full of thoughts as Charlie shakes my shoulder lightly, giving me a very concerned look. I look up to him, squinting my eyes as I see how concerned he is. Why is he concerned?

"Talia, I've been trying to ask you something for the last ten minutes. Are you okay? Are you sick or something or are you tired?" He started to ask, looking me straight in the eye and not allowing his eyes to drift as they always did. Charlie hated eye contact, he found it so awkward and couldn't stand to look someone in the eye for too long.

"Yeah, I'm fine, sorry. I'm just a bit nervous about how my parents will react when I get home after Christmas," I lie as I look away from his eyes. I can't look into them. I normally try to catch his eyes as they dart around the room, trying to find anything else to look into but my own. But today is different. I don't want him to see that my eyes are slightly watering or the look on my face as I lie to him. Because today is the day that I have finally decided that all this lying is too much. And one final push and I'm going to tell him exactly what I did.

"They'll be fine. If you're so scared, you don't have to tell them. They don't have to know you're alive, I don't want them to turn you in or anything. Do you think they will?" Charlie asks with concern. I shake my head quickly, still looking to ground as I avoid his eye as best as I can.

"No, they would never do something like that. I just don't want them to be angry at me for leaving them without telling them I was alive or giving them any sign that I was still around and fine. I really regret what I did, you know," I confess. He nods in understanding but he doesn't even understand the half of it. He doesn't understand the real guilt I feel, the guilt that has me on the tip of an explosion.

"It'll be fine. What you did wasn't the worst you could have done. Nothing you did was your fault, it was all just persuasion. It's not like you killed anyone or anything, I mean, if you had of then that would give them something to be angry about but all you did was follow Voldemort," Charlie said with a soft smile on his face. I almost break down right then and there. It felt like someone had tapped me, pushing me closer to the edge.

"Yeah, I guess so," I mumbled, still not looking up. I needed a few minutes but I knew I couldn't just ask him to leave. That would look so suspicious and he was probably already questioning me enough as it is. I didn't like my situation but I was going to have to deal with the fact that I locked myself in this prison; I put up the bars with all of my lies and now I've lost the key to get out. I have almost lost complete control.

My negative thoughts do not help, I know that but I can't help myself as I wonder about how I'm going to get out. If I'm just going to run away from my problems like I had before or if I'm going to confess.

Because I cannot live like this any longer. I have two options. I have already lived the first one, I know how miserable and cowardly it is. And yet it sticks out to me more than the second. Because the second involves hurting the man I love the most. The man who just came back into my life and made it so much better again.

The conflict in my head is nothing as suddenly, my eyes finally meet with Charlie's. I look at his lovely green eyes admiringly, wishing the only troubles I had were whether Charlie loved me or not. But those weren't my biggest troubles. Those were just my teenage troubles.

As I continue to look into his eyes, he finally looks away, becoming sick of all this eye contact.

"I'm sorry if you don't want to be here. It was rather stupid of me, I shouldn't have forced you to come. I'm sorry if you felt you needed to and I'm sorry if you also felt forced to tell everyone what happened with the death eaters and all," Charlie apologised. I looked to him in surprise as his guilty tone rang out through the room.

He was the one feeling guilty? How was he the guilty one? I was the one who should be guilty here, I was the one who was blankly lying to him about the death of someone close to him. And yet he was the one feeling guilty.

I feel my eyes welling up as I feel another tiny push but I put away the tears, gulping back and breathing in a fresh breath of air.

"I don't mind being here and I don't mind telling anyone, Charlie. The only thing I care about is talking to my parents tomorrow, I promise. You didn't force me to do anything so please don't feel guilty," I told him, my hand suddenly brushing his cheek. He looks up, suddenly, staring straight back into my eyes again. I hold his gaze, suddenly realising that my hands were on his cheek and that he was approaching me quite quickly.

In fact, before I even knew it, he was kissing me and I was kissing him back and everything felt absolutely perfect. I seen doves, I smelt fresh grass, I heard the waves crashing against the sand and wedding bells chiming. I seen children running around the small cottage. I heard laughing, I heard talking. I seen people, lots of them, around a table. I seen two old people, laughing and smiling at each other. They looked so happy, so content with everything they'd done and so, so utterly in love.

And that's when the wave comes crashing down again. The smell of fresh grass goes away, the image of doves and children running around a cottage fade. The chiming wedding bells fade into the background and the laughing and talking comes to an abrupt halt. The people slowly disappeared one by one and now instead of two old people there was only one grave.

I was back to reality, George had pulled away and from the corner of my eye, all I could see was Fred's grave.

"I love you," Charlie mutters as he strokes my cheek. I look up to him, a tear falling from my eye.

This time it was not a tap or even a push. I was kicked off the edge and there was nothing for me to grab onto.

"I killed Fred Weasley."