Barely legal (Student/Teacher Relationship)

Chapter Eighteen

Whats up my fellow wattpaders? Let me know what you think of the new chapter!

*

Before a sunrise there is a brief period, a period where the sun isn't up yet but yet the darkness is still lingering not ready to give up, thats the time that I enjoy the most. I feel as if I'm tricking the world. While everyone else lies in bed asleep I can get away with anything I want, and the best part is I can do it completely unnoticed. 

As I round the corner of the street towards my house I notice him. 

His features barely visible from this distance but yet I still knew it was him. He had on a dark robe and a mug in his hand, he was quite ensconced sitting on his second step watching the world wake up more and more by each passing moment. 

For a moment I felt as if my heart was going to collapse in guilt, I haven't talked to him since the other day. I don't know what to say, do I tell him? Should I ever say anything ever again? I know its inevitable and I have to talk to him but it pains me to even look at him. I know I did him wrong, but he didn't want me. He won't ever want me, I know this deep down. I can't let him inside of my heart again, I can't take the pain. 

I ran as fast as I could hoping and praying he wouldn't see my face. My fears were confirmed that he did  as I ran past his driveway and his voice screamed my name,"Rilan!"

I didn't stop, I couldn't stop. I sprinted as hard as I could to my door and slammed it shut behind me. My legs shaking and tears streaming down my face. How could I face him ever again? 

My heart ached as I tumbled up the stairs and into my room, grumbling to myself as I got out of my clothes and walked into the bathroom. A mirror on the wall stopped me dead in my tracks. 

My body seemed almost revolting. My hips had grown wide, and my stomach had developed a pooch that was all too familiar. I couldn't stop it, the vomit rising in my throat as I bent over the toilet and gagged, the dinner from last night coming back up. 

I pull myself back up and immediately brush my teeth. I was slipping back into my old self, I could feel it happening. My head screaming about the fat on my hips, and the nasty thighs. I couldn't avoid mirrors forever but, I also couldn't bare the thought of seeing myself in another one today. 

 "Did you just throw up?" I jump at the voice in the doorway, unaware of anyone seeing my display. I turn around and am face to face with Ivory. Her eyes read nothing but worry, and she wastes no time pulling me into her body. 

"You're not going back down that path again, Rilan." I only nod my head against her shoulder as my burning tears run down her skin. 

"Look at me, look at me right now." I couldn't. I couldn't bring my eyes up to hers at the fear that I may break down again. 

"Don't let Ana take over again. You're stronger than that, and your perfect as you are!" She says trying her best to give me the encouragement I so badly needed to refuse. But it was too little too late. I could already feel my disorder rearing it's ugly head, the worst part being that I'm not even trying to fight it. 

"What are you even doing here?" I say after a moment of her making me promise that i'd do as I was told. 

"I came by to check on you after your fight." She says sitting down on the toilet seat as I hop into the shower. I had told her about the fight with Ryan, but I never told her about Kyle and I. I couldn't seem to find the right words. 

Speaking of Kyle, I've sort of been avoiding him since our "encounter." I feel like i've backed myself into a corner. I have two great guys, but I can't seem to make up my mind as to which one will be better for me. So instead of being the strong empowered woman I should act like, I have been a wimp; ignoring all of their calls, dodging them everywhere I go, and pretending that neither of them exist. I know it's completely wrong to treat them that way, but I have no idea how to handle this otherwise.