Ferocious

16. Rock, Paper, Scissors

I repeated my story to the detective. I repeated my story to another police officer who came in. But mostly, I repeated my story over and over in my mind, dwelling on each minute detail, but sure I was missing the most glaring facts. The worst was what Levi had said. Get out of here, you stupid bitch. I couldn't get that hateful voice out of my head. He wasn't the boy I knew.

"And your relationship with Alicia, would you qualify it as very...friendly?" the detective asked. He was back in the room.

I lifted my head from my mom's shoulder.

"You know my daughter is very tired. Questions like these can wait, can't they?" she asked.

"I just need a clear picture of tonight's incident, Mrs. Hadder."

"They are friends. Clear enough?"

"My men said there was a moment outside when Alicia arrived....Brooklyn, care to talk about it?"

"Not really."

"What moment outside?" my mom asked me.

I sighed. I was so tired that every time I blinked I fell in a micro-sleep. "Alicia kissed me."

"Kissed you? She kissed you? What kind of kiss, like a French one?"

"Would you feel more comfortable speaking to me alone?" the detective asked.

My mother bristled, but I spoke first. "That's O.K. Normally, we are just friends. You probably want to know why she kissed me like that. All I can say is it most certainly isn't because she loves me. She might have done it to make me think that, to manipulate me, to make you think that, to confuse me, or to make everyone feel sorry for her. I could go on. But I don't know for sure."

"All right. It's late. Why don't you go home and get some rest?" the detective said.

"But what about that man? Is he still out there? He could find out where we live and break in or something," my mom said.

The detective began reassuring her, saying they had patrols out and they would go by the apartment, and that Todd was mostly likely half way across Oklahoma by then.

I watched the hands of the clock on the wall. Eleven fifty-eight. Eleven fifty-nine.

"You are sure it's safe?" my mother was asking.

"Call 9-1-1 if you have the slightest doubt for your safety. A car will arrive in a minute or two. I promise you, Todd has no reason to attack your daughter at this point. He could never get away with it now. You are both perfectly safe in your home."

Midnight.

I started to cry. The anniversary day was gone and past. It was done - the messages on walls and in notebooks, voices in the bathroom and the double visions. No more torn paper notes. I was free to be normal for another year.

What about Levi? The detective didn't believe I had seen him and the longer I sat in the police station the less clearly I could picture my friend's face. Just the shadows in his eyes and under his cheek bones, painting him sharp and ferocious in the night. I was afraid of what I'd seen in him, afraid of what he was willing to do. And if it was all in my head? As my mom would say, there's a rare mental condition called...and then she would explain away the madness.

When we finally made it home, I didn't even take off my shoes or bother brushing my teeth before going to bed. The only thing I did was check my closet. The back wall was smooth and scratch free.

My mother must have taken off my shoes for me and tucked me under the covers. I woke up once or twice later on and, noticing how comfortable I was, rolled over to go back to asleep.