Welcome to my Nightmare #Completed #WattyAwards2016

~Truth or Dare~

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                 Days passed by too slowly. Even though the sun was rising and setting constantly, I felt like I was only living in the night. Maybe it was because I never opened my blinds or got out my room. My nights were sleepless once again, for the first time in months. But it wasn't Demetra this time.

I dreamt about my dad mostly. They were happy dreams, but they were dreams of the dead, nonetheless.

I found myself re-reading the lines telling me I was adopted. It stung every time. I felt my self becoming more depressed and angry everyday. I know it's selfish and stupid to not talk to your mother after the death of her husband, but how could they not have told me?

I'm 17 for God sakes. Did it just slip their minds? 

Oh right, forgot to tell you Max dear. Your not our child. Yea... we just picked you up at some hospital. 

If that's even where I was picked up.

The funeral was depressing. I sat in the back of the church trying my hardest not to cry around all my aunts and uncles. I didn't look at Dad, I couldn't. I wanted to remember him alive. 

I knew that once I even glanced at him, I wouldn't be able to get that image out of my head. Serenity sang a beautiful song. Her voice was so soothing, it brought everyone to tears, but it only left me astonished. I didn't know she could sing. 

I went up and read a little summary of dad's life. That got to me a bit which is exactly why I didn't wan to do it. I choked up and had to have mom finish. In all honesty, I just wanted everything to be over.

I sat at a tree and watched his coffin go down into the dirt. People often looked back at me, some probably thinking 'why is he in the dirt, in his new suit?' Others willing to rush to my rescue if even a tear escaped. 

I didn't want anyone around me though. The day didn't go by without much people being offended by my quietness and emotionless face.

"Don't mind Max. It's hard for him. It's best if you leave him alone." I heard mom telling someone when she thought I was out of ear. I didn't mind. 

I kicked some dirt into dad's grave and left the whole family to their crying. I made my way to the car  avoiding the stares I felt peering down my back. They probably thought I didn't care. They probably saw it as disrespectful, but I couldn't mourn with people. I began to learn that.

I calmly opened the car door and sat down in the drivers seat. I felt it building up, like too much water behind a small dam. The brick wall could no longer keep the water from rushing over and flooding the unfortunate village below its level.

I'd held in the emotion for too long and finally it could consume me while no one else could see.

I bawled out and kicked and screamed, knocking on the seats and staring wheel. It became a combination of crying and yelling. I worried that I wouldn't be able to stop.

Why did I feel so angry?

Why did he have to leave? 

The tears began to subside after a few minutes. I felt slightly better breathing hard, my head pressed against the steering wheel.

Max, it's life. Your father is in a better place now. 

I heard a low whisper. I thought it was God. That sounds like something God would say, but it wasn't. I knew that voice too well. Smooth and velvet.