Just Friends

Part 2: When things started going wrong

One year later...

Phil and I were still living together. Our channels had grown a lot and we had started a joint gaming channel. We still were doing the radio show.

I slammed the door closed. "Phil I'm home. Do you want to order a pizza?" There was no response. I sat my keys down. "Phil?" Nothing. I ambled to room. The door was closed. "Hey Phil?" I said sticking my head inside. What met my eyes was a scene I never thought I'd see.

I slammed the door shut and ran to my room. My heart was beating much too fast. I couldn't get that image out of my head. Phil was having sex right now with a guy I had never seen before. I was so angry. I wanted to rip that guy's throat out and I didn't know why. He's your best friend. He can do whatever he wants.

You love Phil. What? Phil and I are best friends, I don't love him. If you didn't why are you so upset. I'm in love with Phil. It made so much sense. All of the times when I couldn't stop looking at him, all of the times I had wanted to lean in and kiss him, it all made sense.

I curled into my duvet and started crying. Phil would never love me. I'm such a dumb fuck. Of all the people I could fall in love with. It's my best friend who I live with. I sobbed violently. You stupid fag. You fuck up. Who the fuck do you think you are. My thoughts struck deep and hurt like bullets in my flesh.

I couldn't stand it anymore.

I took out my old razor. I hadn't cut in years, but I couldn't take the pain. Six red lines on each thigh. Phil would hate me if I ever told him. Six more red lines. I hated myself. I hated being gay. I hated everything. Five more lines. My breathing was ragged.

I heard a loud moan from the room next door. It stuck in the heart. PHIL! I wanted to carry him away from that man. I wanted Phil to be mine.

Eventually I ran out of tears and fell into a troubled sleep.