The Pursuit of Perfection (A Bucky Barnes Fanfic) [Sequel to Winter Is Coming]

Chapter 8: Arson

"When she awoke, the world was on fire." –Scott Westerfield

*** 

            Things have never been so quiet. After letting Steve in, he just sits on the couch with his head in his hands. Bucky tries getting his attention, but it doesn't work. He's obviously incredibly pissed about Howard; and he has a right to be. As Bucky understands it, they were somewhat friends back in the day.

            Harley is also surprisingly pale; Bucky has to keep reminding himself that she didn't know either, that she thought that Hydra had killed Howard, not Bucky himself, so for Steve to shout that out must have been shocking. But all she knew about Howard was whatever information she got from the night before Bucky left, when they saw his flying car, not that it makes the situation better.

            "Steve?" Bucky tries again. "I thought you knew."         

            Steve folds his hands, sits back in the chair, and crosses one leg over the other like they're about to have an enticing conversation about economics. His expression says different. "I did know. But I thought it was Hydra as an organization, not specifically you. How'd you do it?"

            Bucky sighs. "Steve, look--"

            "Tell me," he says, his tone almost too calm. "I want to know how you killed Howard Stark. And then I want you to call Tony and tell him. He deserves to know."

            "Tony already got his revenge on me, have you forgotten already?" Bucky snaps. "Did you forget what it was like to not have me around for an entire year?" Out of his peripheral vision, he sees Harley shift uncomfortably and regrets bringing it up.

            "Just tell me, please," Steve says, softer now.

            Bucky hesitates. Steve knows all the things that Bucky has done as the Winter Soldier, but will he understand this? Will he forget that Bucky had no control? Howard was Steve's friend. He's not going to take this lightly.

            "Okay." Bucky rubs his eyes tiredly. "From what I remember, Howard and Maria were driving somewhere in their car. I was on the hill with a sniper rifle. I shot out a tire. They hit a tree, but they weren't dead yet. I had to take matters into my own hands. So I did. Then I broke the security cameras."

             "What'd you do after?" Steve asks harshly.

            "What do you mean?"

            "Where'd you go?"

            "I left. I'd done my mission. There wasn't anything left for me there."

            "And you didn't want to get caught either."

            "Steve, enough," Harley snaps suddenly.

             Steve stands, shaking his head and walking towards the door. "I know you were bad, but Howard? C'mon, Buck..."

            "Steven Grant Rogers if you continue to blame James for this I swear I will set your innards on fire." When Steve turns back around, Harley is facing him with crossed arms and a deadly expression.

            "Who do you want me to blame, Harley?" he demands.

            "Blame Hydra, the organization that brainwashed us both into murdering dozens of innocent people. Do you really think that we had free reign while we were there? We didn't choose our missions, Steven, we were given them, and if they weren't completed, guess what? Torture. Old fashioned, whips to the back, torture."

            "Harls, stop," Bucky says gravely, wincing at the mention of whips.

            Her voice only gets stonier. "What did S.H.I.E.L.D. do to you? Give you a place to stay? Make sure you adapted to the new world all right? Tuck you in at night and call the Sandman to give you good dreams?"

            "Harley, seriously—"

            "James didn't know what he was doing. If he had any idea, he wouldn't've done it, and if you think for one second that James would kill someone because he wanted to, then you'd better reanalyze because it would never happen. Ever."

            Steve's eyes are slits. "While you guys were out breathing, I was frozen in the Arctic—"

            "No one asked you to do that, Steven."

            Bucky knows how angry Harley is because of two things: she's using full first names, and her hands are slightly orange. He needs to break this up.

            "When did this suddenly turn into a game of 'who had it worse'?" Steve questions. "My friend was murdered!" He turns to Bucky. "Did you kill Peggy, too?"

            Before he can stop her, Harley has sent a wave of flames in Steve's direction. They miss him, but they were blue, and they meant business.

            "Get out!" Steve complies to her command, slamming the door behind him so hard that the windows rattle. All is silent. There are small, blue embers on the carpet, Harley is almost trembling with rage, and Bucky has to hold back tears about everything that just happened and all the memories that are flashing in his brain. After what seems like hours, the embers are gone, leaving singes in the carpet.

            Harley collapses on the couch. "What just happened?"

            Bucky sits next to her, rubbing his eyes again. "You, my dear, just lost your temper."

            She sighs. "I shouldn't've said any of that."

            "We were all upset, it's alright."

            "What if something is happening to all of us?" she asks. "What if our friendship is breaking? We weren't meant for the future. Bucky, I didn't even mean to throw that fire at him; it just came out without my permission."

            "Harley, I need you to listen to me," Bucky says, taking both her still-warm hands. "The future isn't against us. We've just hit a rough patch with Steve. Like we've been guessing, it has to be PTSD or anxiety or something that's making him act this way. We'll fix it. We have Sam and Natasha to help. We'll get through this. Steve's not going anywhere and neither are we."

            Harley nods at his words. "I need to apologize."

            "No, no," Bucky says. "Leave him be for a while. He needs to cool down."

            "I can't exactly help him there, can I?"

            Bucky grins at her and, to lighten the mood, says, "For the record, you're really hot when you're angry."

            "Was that a pun?"

            "I meant it literally and metaphorically."

            Harley leans in to kiss him. "I love you."

            "I love you."

***

            Steve's nightmares are back before he's even fully asleep. This time, he relives the argument he just had with Bucky and Harley. But it's much worse. He ends up completely buried in his guilt and sorrow, so much that he can't escape. Every questionable things he's done comes back to haunt him. Every argument he's had with them lately is coming back and taunting him. He shouldn't've said any of those things. He was just so angry. He knows Bucky didn't have control. He knows it was Hydra. What came over him? While Steve was arguing with them, it almost like he didn't have control. Is that what it feels like?

            He wakes up sweating and breathing heavily, which says a lot for a super soldier. He's used to this. It happens all the time now. But it needs to stop. He feels like he can't ask for help. Captain America can do things by himself. But since when? What happened to his leadership and need for a team?

            Everything is falling apart.