Dangerous Diaries

Chapter 17 - What Is This Thing Called Love?

I quickly pressed the end button and hung up. One thing that sucked about this room was the phone. I asked him time and time again to give me an additional phone so I could set up my own line but he could never get the simple request accomplished. Just like my album. We needed to share a line just for the purpose that we were supposed to be sharing a room.

I flicked the switch on my lamp and lied my head down on my pillow. For a while, I just gazed out of the window & listened to the music. I always purposely left my curtains opened. But I couldn't fall asleep. I couldn't bask in the sedative mood. I turned on my side and read the time. 4:03.

I reached for the phone and carefully pressed the talk button.

"Of course not. Why would I ever to do that to you?"

I could tell by his comfortable demeanor that he was talking to a friend. Or maybe someone more than a friend. Ever since Michael told me on his porch two weeks ago that he was seeing someone, he had been more distant than before, which I didn't think was possible.

"I love you."

The three words were like bait. I couldn't put the phone down after hearing him say it.

"I love you, baby."

I dropped the phone from my ear to protect my gasp. There was only one girl I knew with that heavy Colombian accent.

I fought with myself if I should've kept listening. It wasn't my place and I had no right. But my heart was dying to hear more. As if I needed confirmation as to what was really going on.

I took a deep breath before siding with my curiosity.

"I just still feel bad," I heard Shakira say. I knew it was her.

"Why? Don't worry about it. We'll be fine. I'm happy that we did it."

"I just feel like maybe we should've waited."

"We waited long enough. And I couldn't lose you again, Button. I really am happy we did it."

It? I kept questioning what 'it' was? And all the possibilities were scaring the life out of me.

"It's just..." Michael paused for a moment and the line went silent.

"Hello?" Shakira called, speaking my mind.

"Sorry. But it's just, I lost you once before. And I lost Lissy once before as well. Both instances were dreadful times for me but I was completely miserable without you. If I had to make a choice, it would be you."

I may have shrieked because like a switch was flipped on my heart, a sea of tears began flowing out from my eyes. I had to sit up but the phone stayed put on my ear. Because the pain was so addicting, I just had to have more.

"I can live without her. But I need you."

"And you have me. Forever."

I could feel his stupid smile through the phone. I wanted to scream out my hate for him. Act out my pain but I couldn't. I wanted more first.

"I can't wait to be in your arms again, Michael."

"I can't wait for us to be free. I love you so much, Shakira."

"I love you more," she challenged.

"I love you most," he said.

"I love you most'est."

"That's not a word," he laughed.

She laughed with him. "Oh God, can you tell we are newlyweds?"

Literally, the biggest jolt stung me. And I didn't want to hear anymore. I didn't want any more confirmation. That was the last dose I could handle. I slammed the phone on the receiver, not bothering if they heard it or not.

I ran into the bathroom and hovered myself over the sink. He wasn't mine, he never was, but it hurt so bad. I felt so betrayed. So embarrassed. So freaking foolish. Stupid! Stupid, stupid, stupid!

Then it was anger. Rage. Revenge.

And a knock on my door. "Lissy?"

The sound of his voice made my stomach churn. It also made my hands ball into a tight fist.

I had to ignore him. For the sake of my sanity. And his face. I just had to stay put in the bathroom.

"I know you're in there because the door is locked."

I took small steps and brought myself back into the room. "Go away, Michael," I said painfully, one foot away from the door.

"I don't know how long you were listening but I really need to talk to you. Regardless."

I didn't want him to see how bad this was affecting me. "Just please, go away." My legs gave out on me and I collapsed to the floor in tears. "Just go away!"

I scooted back until I could rest my weight on the end of the bed. For a while, I thought I had won the battle. It was quiet and he was obviously gone.

But then a key twisted in the knob and he allowed himself entry into the room.