The Other Side of the Rising Sun

shattered

My hearing hadn't improved since I got in the hospital. The stitches above my eye came out. The cast on my leg came off. Yet I was still here. I've been here for a month. My mental state was a mess.

I remember the first time the doctor told me what happened. Vikk was in the room, holding my hand tightly. The doctor took out an article from his clipboard and handed it to me.

'Family of four: terrible accident'

I guessed I had been in an accident. No matter how much I'd ask, no one would tell me what happened to my family. Or what happened to me or my hearing. One thing I can tell you is that nothing in the world could've prepared me for what I was about to read.

'On Saturday, October 3rd, a family of four got into an accident on highway 14. Driver Shawn Mellis was going down the highway and swerved when a deer jumped in front. His vehicle crashed into the Power family's car, killing three and leaving one of the boys in intensive care at the hospital. We are sad to say the driver passed away on impact as well as the parents and brother of Lachlan.'

At first, I was in denial. I remember I kept shaking my head and chanting no. When it really sunk in, I was devastated. They were too young. They didn't get to accomplish what they wanted. They're my family. I loved them. I was screaming and screaming. The doctor gave me some kind of drug and I fell asleep, Vikk still holding my hand.

When I woke up, I could only cry. I didn't want to eat. I didn't want to talk. I didn't want to live. I felt so guilty being alive. They're dead and I'm still here.

The doctor tried explaining that it's not my fault and that I couldn't help it. I couldn't even hear what anyone was saying. Couldn't they understand that trying made me feel worse?

How could I not feel this way?

Vikk's visits became less frequent. I knew that was also my fault. Rob flew in for a few days to visit me. He asked the doctor how come I couldn't hear. The doctor gave him an article and a quick rundown. I snatched the article after Rob was done reading it.

"Severe trauma to the head can sometimes damage ear structures, depending on where the trauma is,"

I read up to there and handed it back. Damaged ear structure. Why me? Why this family? What did I do to deserve this? Rob left after about an hour of visiting. We didn't exchange conversation. It was awkward. I started crying again. He was at loss of what to do. I turned on my side and told him I was going to sleep. He mentioned something about lunch with Vikk before leaving me be.

It's not like I didn't appreciate him coming or anything. I just didn't want to see anyone. I didn't want to be here.

I felt guilty for thinking about death. I had the choice to take my life, but if I did that would be wasting something given to me. I wish my brother survived instead of me. Maybe he wouldn't have wasted his life. If only I'd gotten in the car on the other side, I'd be the one dead and he would be here.

If only.

Going back home was hell. It took almost 20 minutes to get me out of the car and inside. I didn't want to be reminded of them. Vikk kept talking and saying stuff as if I could hear him. I started crying once more. He brought me upstairs and took me to my room. I laid down and sobbed until my eyes felt heavy and I drifted into a nightmare filled sleep. Vikk rubbed my back the whole time. He was too good for me.

Some days were better than others. One day I woke up and Vikk and I head out to the beach. We stayed there until the sun was setting. All day we mostly walked down the shore, hand and hand. He would playfully shove me into the water and I'd laugh, splashing around. We'd start walking again and then I'd push him in. I thought maybe things were looking up.

They weren't really. I was living in a hell where I couldn't forget what happened for the life of me.

I could no longer hear my boyfriend's beautiful laughter. And that broke my heart.