Speak [ phan ]

chapter thirteen

The rest of the day sucks for Dan, but at lunch, as he makes his way to where he usually sits now, Bethany isn't there. She's always there first, especially because Dan usually gets held back, and he knows she's here today, so where is she?

Dan stands there for all of five minutes, before he decides to walk around the halls. Perhaps she's just getting extra help in a classroom somewhere?

After searching the halls for ten minutes, he decides to go back outside, glancing to his old group momentarily. He frowns when he notices Phil is missing, because he know that he's there today, then he hears a commotion from behind one of the buildings. He sneaks over, listening to the conversation.

"Please Bethany, something's wrong with Dan," a voice begs - Phil.

"I don't know, why should I help you do anything?" Bethany retorts, "all you've done is make me feel like crap."

"I know, and I know we shouldn't have but, just do it, for Dan's sake," Phil says, "he may dislike us and not think he needs us, but we just want him to know that he's never alone."

"Fine, okay, but one rude comment and I'm out of there," Bethany warns, but Phil just grins and pulls her into a hug, squishing her slightly.

"Thank you!" Phil says happily, "I'll tell the others to shut their mouths and keep comments to themselves."

"Thanks Phil," Bethany says, and Dan, sensing the conclusion of the conversation, quickly runs to where he usually sits with Bethany and waits, pretending he never heard their conversation.

"Hey Dan!" Bethany says a few minute later, walking towards him with a smile on her face, "sorry I'm late - I got held back in class."

Lies, lies, lies.

Dan nods, smiling up at her from his place on the ground, wondering what she's going to say next and what her deal with Phil is.

"Hey, I was thinking, well, Phil and I have become closer and I'd like to go start to sit with them," Bethany says, "will you come with me?"

More lies.

Dan sighs, but nods, seeing how desperate and pleading Bethany looks. She grins then and grabs him by the hand, pulling him up and leading him to the dreaded table where all his ignored friends and Phil sit.

"Hi everyone!" Bethany says, putting a somewhat forced smile on her face as she slides in next to Phil, pulling Dan down beside her.

"Hi," everyone choruses, most looking genuinely friendly, but the Suggs only manage a strained smile, but don't make any comments.

"Dan, missed you buddy," Caspar says, smiling at Dan, "haven't seen you recently."

"Yeah, after you punch..." Joe starts before Caspar shuts him up by jabbing him in the side with his elbow, nodding his head towards Dan as if he isn't there.

Joe coughs awkwardly, his gaze turning back to Dan. "I mean, hi Dan, good to see you again."

Dan forces a smile before looking away. He is slightly sick of everyone lying to him, it's as if people forget that Dan actually does have thoughts, even though he can't voice them. He's just a naive, stupid kid who should be babied and treated with upmost care everyone's eyes. What they don't realise is that Dan is probably emotionally and mentally tougher than every kid here at this table, they just don't know because Dan can't tell them.

The thing with being mute is that Dan can't scream, or yell, or rant about his problems to get them off his chest, he has to stay silent, and just let them fester within him. He's trapped inside himself; the worst sentence a human can be given.

"Dan can I talk to you in private?" Phil asks, not giving Dan a choice as he drags him away from the table, Dan grabbing his bag on the way.

"Look Dan, I know we had a fight, but I liked our friendship and I like you, you're a really nice person and you've gone through a lot, and I think we should just move on," Phil says, starting to ramble again - just like he used to, "so what I'm saying is that if you apologise then I'm willing to move on past this whole thing. I'll put it behind us, what'd you say?"

Dan looks at Phil with an expression that says, 'are you fucking kidding me?'. Dan pulls out his phone, sending Phil a text.

Dan: ME apologise to YOU? What for?

"For punching my brother! Or did you forget that?" Phil asks, frowning at Dan, for once not rambling on.

Dan: what about you? Saying all those things to me! YOU DIDNT EVEN SEE THE WHOLE THING! YOU JUST ASSUMED I PUNCHED HIM FOR NO REASON AT ALL!

"Well there's never an excuse to punch someone Dan," Phil says, frowning harder at Dan, biting his lip, "why can't we just move past this?"

Dan: because I don't even DO anything to you Phil. You said some things that really hurt. You don't know me, you weren't there for the entire conversation, you didn't see what your 'angelic' brother was doing and you thought I would just punch someone. That's why I can't move past it.

Dan: I honestly thought you were my friend and a good person, but it turns out you're just like every other person who's ever picked on me for being mute.

"D-Dan I-" Phil stammers as he reads the text, his wide, blue eyes filling with tears, "I can't- I don't know... What did happen?"

Dan only shakes his head though, scowling as he turns away, slinging his bag over his shoulder before he quickly walks away. What Phil doesn't see is that Dan walks to the bathrooms, locking himself inside a cubicle and sitting on the closed lid of the toilet, pulling his knees to his chest.

And for the second time in 24 hours, Dan collapses into silent tears as his heart cracks a little more. And he feels like he's almost reached his limit - unless something changes, he's almost done.

***********

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