decoding the boys ✔️

29 - effort || uncut ver

"Everything okay, Kuya? Why are you drinking alone?" I asked, sitting beside him. "Si Ate Ara ba?"

He heaved a sigh.

"What did you fight about?"

"Wala. It's nothing I can't handle. Maliit na away lang," he said before smiling at me and reaching out to ruffle my hair. "Tulog na."

I swatted his hand away and stared at my brother.

It was amazing how he changed so much in so little time. Don Juan kasi 'tong si Kuya kaya laking gulat ko na lang when he announced one evening that he was going steady with Ate Ara. Siya na talaga ang biggest proof na pwede pang magbago ang isang play boy. He's a Don Juan. He loves his hunt. He loves the chase. But even the most elusive boy can meet his match.

"Ang galing 'no," sabi ko out of the blue, "how Ate really changed you. Look at you. Very faithful na. You're in love, Kuya."

Kuya Chris chuckled deeply. "Wala, e. Tinamaan, e."

I smiled. Big 'yon if a man accepts that he's in love. "I'm jealous. I want that, too. I want my own version of a crazy, passionate love din," sabi ko.

"Hindi naman kasi hinahanap 'yan," Kuya Chris said gently. "Kusang dumarating 'yan. Kung hahanapin mo at magmamadali ka, lalo ka lang magkakamali at iiwasan n'yan. Trust me. It will come to you in the most unexpected ways. Look at me."

What he said flashed me back to the kiss from earlier once again.

Pwede ko kayang sabihin kay Kuya? I wanted to tell him so bad, mabawasan man lang yung guilt sa 'kin. He could also give some advice.

"Kuya, may itatanong ako sa 'yo," I said suddenly, breaking the quiet.

He drank his beer and said, "Shoot."

Racel kissed me today. Kuya Jacob hates him, but I like him. What should I do?

Ah, shiz. Parang biglang umurong ang dila ko.

Umiling-iling ako. "Next time na lang pala."

Nagtaas siya ng kilay. Tinitigan niya ako. "Love life ba 'yan?"

That caught me offguard. Tumawa siya. As in yung tawang akala mo may nahuling sikreto. I probably looked like a deer caught in the headlights.

"Alright, alright. Don't tell me. 'Di kita pipilitin," sabi niya, natatawa pa rin. "Basta, a, 'wag kang papayag na masaktan ka. Baka makapatay ako, loko."

In that moment, he reminded me so much of the boys na uber lala sa pagiging overprotective. I was also reminded of why this thing with Racel was dangerous.

"I'll sleep na, Kuya. Goodnight."

I stood up. Nagmamadali akong pumanhik ng kwarto. His laughter was still in the background even as I slammed my door shut.

***

How were things going to change between us?

'Yon lang ang tumatakbo sa isip ko and it distracted me from studying for finals. I kept looking at my phone to check for his messages. Kahit wala namang darating because we both agreed to focus on the exams. After that night, we still kept in touch, but the texts became infrequent, and they didn't feel the same. As if a wall had formed between us.

At lunch, I met up with Lhyle because we planned to go and eat at Maginhawa. Iba ang schedule ng girls kaya kaming dalawa lang.

We were walking in the quad when I noticed Lhyle staring at me. He stopped what he was saying when he realized I wasn't listening.