Red vs Blue - Headcanon: after 'The End'

So after spending several days only being able to think about RVB and barely being able to function as I cried, speculated, watched the final episode several times and scrolled through every related tumblr feed, I came up with this.

I think that we will never really get a clear answer about what happens in the moments after 'The End'. But I think that's the point. It's open for us to make our own ending. So that's what I've done here. (And you may spot a bit of my Tuckington bias because I am trash.)

You don't have to agree with what I've written. You don't even have to like it. This is just my version of events - you can have your own. And it's really short and I know I gloss over important details, but this was all I wanted to write. This was all I needed to know. This was just a quick, sad, little drabble I wrote in the middle of the night. But it gives me some closure. It doesn't have to have the same effect on you.

Now, if you have no idea what I'm talking about.. yeah, just stop reading right here. It's okay, you probably don't want to get into this fandom anyway. The first five seasons are all rainbows and bunnies and fun. The Blood Gluch Chronicles. Those were the good old days... 

But then you watch seasons six to thirteen. And then you cry a lot. So stay away for your own safety. :)

If you do know what I'm talking about, enjoy! I mean, or not, Church did just die... Again...

--

"Hey. Um... Well I just want you guys to know that, out of everyone I've ever met, I hate you all the least."

"See you on the other side, Church."

--

The moment the door flew open with a plume of smoke and sparks was the same moment Lavernius Tucker felt it.

Something inside of him broke.

And something else inside of him tore apart when he immediately knew what had happened.

"Church," the strangled choke of a word made its way past his lips. Out of the corner of his eye, a dark blue helmet tilted towards him, but could only spare a second to acknowledge that Tucker had spoken.

"Targets acquired."

"Get them!"

That was when the gunshots started.

Tucker knows that there was a lot of noise. He knows that there was explosions and the sounds that different guns make and his ears wouldn't stop ringing. He knows that he and the others leapt into action. He knows that they somehow managed to mow down the waves of soldiers trying to kill them. He knows that his sword came in handy, plunged through the armour of many, severed heads clean off. He knows that there was a blazing fury in his chest and small tears welling in his eyes that refused to go away as he fought with a desperate determination he had never felt before. He knows that they were totally winging it but the suit indeed gave them the advantage they needed to make it out of that room alive. He knows he was weakly calling for his best friend, his leader, as they stumbled out of the scorched doorframe but that nobody else was paying attention. He knows things were a blur as F.I.L.S.S. guided them to stand before a seething Hargrove but that it was none of them who pulled the final trigger. He knows he saw Locus there with his sniper rifle on a small ledge above them all, only for a second before the grey and green turned invisible. He knows that there was a brief silence and then the group erupted into victorious cheers while he remained still.

Tucker knows all of these things, but he felt absent when taking part in them. Like he was on autopilot. Detached, removed from the situation. Watching a movie in a first-person perspective but not fully paying attention. He knows all of these things objectively. He knows that these events took place merely moments beforehand, but details are missing and he's already forgotten the majority of what exactly happened.

He acknowledges that there are mixed feelings lurking in the frays of his mind, hanging back in the corners. Confusion, sadness, disbelief, anger, fear. But Lavernius Tucker is numb.

All he can focus on is the absence of that little, arrogant voice in his head.

He wonders how appropriate it would be to seek comfort from Wash when he finally breaks and lets those feelings flood in, vaguely remembering hearing about the freelancer's own experience with the AI fragment.

There are men in suits of various bright colours calling to him, wondering why he is not celebrating as they climb aboard the pelican that has just arrived. They are nearby but their voices sound distant. He looks at them all, wishing they would just shut up so he can collect his muddled thoughts. There is one figure among the group, however, that is unusually stiff. He suspects Caboose is being quiet too because he somehow already knows. The blue soldier took it badly last time. He isn't sure how the others will react either once he sits down and tells them all with gritted teeth. He has a suspicion Carolina especially will be affected by this loss.

But right now he really can't bring himself to care about them as he finally starts making the slow walk to the aircraft.

Because he could feel it when Epsilon shattered. And he knows that a piece of himself went with him.

--

"...Are you alright?"

"No, Wash. I'm not."

--