Tough Love

Chapter Twelve

Eli clears his throat and I'm sure I can feel nervousness radiate from him. I can't imagine why he would be nervous. He's not the one that has all this baggage. He's not the one who has to be interrogated. Then I think about it, and how I would react if someone told my story to me for the first time. I realize he must have a million ideas floating through his mind, especially seeing all the things he has. He must be conjuring up all sorts of scenarios in his head. Maybe that's why he's nervous. Maybe I'll just make his fears worse than they already are.

I jump when I hear Eli clear his throat again and he smiles slightly in spite of the situation. “Dani, I don't want you to think I'm pressuring you into telling me anything. I just want to help, ok?”

I nod slightly, so he continues, “How did you get into drugs? You said it wasn't by choice, so what happened?”

My breathing kicked up a notch. I couldn't do this; I couldn't answer his questions. I didn't want to do this. Then something inside me almost screamed, 'You're going to kill yourself if you carry on this way. Just take a deep breath and jump. You need to do this.'

I was startled. The voice sounded like someone was actually standing right next to me. I took a deep breath and whispered, “Bad men.”

Wow, so eloquent Dani. I might have a photographic memory and a high IQ, but gosh I'm an idiot.

“Bad men made you take drugs? Why?”

“Control.”

“They wanted to control you?”

I nod and I think Eli sighs out of frustration. I don't think this is going as he planned. He tries a new approach, and I don't know if he's trying to fill in the blanks or just trying to make me more comfortable. He asks, “How did you come to America, Dani?”

“My parents... My poppa was looking for a better life for us. Our village in Russia was being torn down for a big company.”

“Do you have any brothers or sisters?”

“No sir, just me.”

“How old were you?”

“10.”

“So it was just you and your parents here?”

“Yes sir.”

“Did you speak English?”

“A little.”

“So, when your parents died, I'm guessing the state's options were limited with what to do with you?”

I nodded and said, “They were going to send me back.”

“Why didn't they?”

I shrugged, “ I don't know. I guess they felt bad for me. I have no family there.”

“So what happened to you?”

I let a few tears escape and I shook my head. I didn't realize how easy the first part was or how difficult this part was.

“Ok, ok. Shhh, calm down sweetheart. It's ok. Just take a deep breath. We'll go back a bit. Just breathe.... How long were you here before your parents died?”

“Six months.”

“Wow, that's not long. Do you mind me asking how they died?”

I suppressed another sob. I'd never really grieved so it was all still quite raw.

“Drunk driver... I should have died too.”

“No, don't say that. If you were dead, then I wouldn't have met you.”