NOTE! NOTE!
Diary ko-my beloved, how have you been? juskern, gusto ko na gid ya mag rant sa tanan. Natak-an lang ko bi kay nawal-an ko gana kay nadula back-up ko simo huhu. I-restore ko na naman karun huhu chaka.
Anyways... wow! What the hell, I HAVE BEEN THROUGH SO SO SO MUCH. You wont believe the torment i had for all these months. Bet, you wont even blink an eye hearing the shits i have been taking.
I want to list it down, isa-isahun ko nalang. Chaka, laba gid ni ya. Mind you, i did not write for the past 8 STRAIGHT MONTHS. Expect that this will be or might be the longest diary entry i will write.
-----
JANUARY
Anxiety, rise of expectations, insecurity, paving way for my future.
I think January has thought me lessons. There will be always predicaments in life. Something that even you, someone who already is living must still overcome it. January surprised me in a way that i didnt know-because what do you mean, that in the past few years I was always alone masking it in the name of solitude-when in fact i also want someone i can lean on? And january did give me them. What i love most about that january, is that aside i know its the month of starting things, it gave me the most important pieces for the left uncomplete pieces of who I am. I appreciate january-in a way that it reminds me, that i will be starting the year with everyone who sees me for who am i. Them, who really knows-and accepts me. Even though january gave problems, na I know handed me a lot of anxiety. I consider it as one of my the best-if not the most memorable January month of my teenage years.
Still, "Life is not sunshine and rainbows" right? Of course, the rise of expectations ay hindi magpapahuli. We did immersion. Every day that time, i was having an anxiety attack. And no-no one noticed. Obviously, i was a clown. Did you really expect, Mary Grace, that SOMEONE will ask you if you're alright when you're quite?? Understanding that they only see you as "The life of the Party". No one notices. That everyday, every single day, I was thinking what else next?? What comes after this? Seperation with my friends? How can i even do that? How could I?? That idea is totally absurd. It doesnt make sense. I was grown by their presence, laughs, and voices. So why seperate? I cant do it. The mere idea of that is gut wretching, its slowly tightening my heart that breathing feels like a single sharp point.
Of course, every aspects of life, we cant forget our parents, right? The pressure is on. Every time I get to home, my parents would come to ask me suddenly: "what program do you think you should go for college?" and that hits me. I dont really have plans for life. My way is not yet created. Where can i even go? What do i truly wanna be? Is there even a room for someone like me who isn't sure of her capabilities? It gives me insecurity. I do belive in mine, but sometimes... I just really wander, that no matter hardwork you, if its not for you, it wont. It just wont. Though i still survive now, as im now in college.
To make it short, (i dont really wanna dig deeper anymore in this month, there were so many variables i tolerated haha) January, 2026 is my best teenager january month, it provided me growth, made me realize i have purpose, and even lessons i should carry for the rest of my life. And for that, i am so so gratefull, January :))) Weird right? lololol. It's so hard being the funny friend guys, hahaha.
