Teen Helpline [#1 of the Helpline Trilogy]

E P I L O G U E

"Good morning."

"'Sup, Mr Fanceh."

"It's been three years and you're still calling me that?!" 

"Some things never changed." 

"But still." 

"Shut your pie-hole, Mr Fanceh. Our children will be calling you that." 

"We'll have children? We'll have sex?" 

"Oh shut up."

_____

"Hey, Eva?"

"Yes?"

"You suck." 

"Well, you suck." 

"I love you." 

"I love you too."

______

"HEYOOOOO. yolo. WHATDDUP." 

"Go home, Eva. You're drunk as a skunk." 

"Hehe, college is fuckin' great eh?"

"Dear God." 

_____

"Do you know what time is it? IT'S SIX O'FUCKING CLOCK. I TOLD YOU NOT TO CALL ME BEFORE EIGHT. I TOLD YOU. WE'VE BEEN IN A RELATIONSHIP FOR FOUR YEARS AND YOU KNOW HOW I GET BEFORE EIGHT. I AM NOT PROPERLY FUNCTIONING BEFORE EIGHT. NOBODY TALKS TO ME BEFORE EIGHT." 

"Eva, calm down." 

"FUCK YOU." 

"Wouldn't you like to?" 

"I'M SO DONE WITH YOUR SHIT."

_

"How do you know if this long distance thing will work?" 

"It will, promise." 

"Are you sure?" 

"Why? Would you miss me?"

"Oh shut up." 

"So you do miss me? Well, I miss you too." 

"Always?"

"Always."

________

"Hello! Welcome to Teen Helpline service! How may I-"

"Hey beautiful." 

"Mr Fanceh? What are you doing here? I'm working, y'know." 

"Well, I have a legitimate problem."

"I have no time for your crap. There are actual teenagers out there who needs help and-"

"Well, my problem is about a girl. And I love her."

"Really, it's sweet, Fanceh-Pants, but I have to-"

"And she's pretty, smart, calls me ridiculous nicknames, obsessed with Harry Potter even though she's over twenty and she could pretty much whip me up in the ass."

"You're-"

"And I really don't know what to do about it. So you know what I think? I think I want to marry her. What do you think?"

"Wait, wait, what did you just do?"

"Tell me tonight, Mrs FANCEH."

"Did- did you just propose to me?  HEY! DON'T YOU WALK AWAY- DON'T YOU PUT DOWN THE PHONE! COME BACK HERE YOU LITTLE SHIT." 

_____

and there you go folks, there's the ending! 

hope it's been a good read x